Dream 228 – Jesus and the Little Red Journal

Received Friday, December 9, 2016

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for all that You have done for all of us!  What an incredible week it has been.

First, some background on my recent dreams. The Lord has taken me on quite a personal journey this week.  I have met with Him every day because of things in the natural which have occurred to our family, friends and me personally.

I questioned what the Lord was doing and wondered, based on my relentless zeal for Jesus and my quest for answers, that perhaps I was even ‘losing my faculties’. However, Jesus was quick to correct my thoughts and brought me back to what He was doing here and right now.

Last Friday, I was with my eldest son at a grocery store to find him a birthday cake. I had just picked up my other teens and they were also in the car with me. As we walked to the cashier, I passed a cart with a toddler in it and the little boy looked at me.

As he did, I suddenly felt a ripple in the atmosphere that I simply cannot explain. It was similar to ‘déjà vu’, but a much longer version. This toddler suddenly looked just like my youngest son and the little guy was even wearing the exact outfit my son had worn on a trip I had made back in the year 2000.

The outfit this boy was wearing was now a little blue winter outfit with a hat with ear flaps just like I had my youngest boy in back then. The boy looked up at me and I heard the word, ‘mama’, which was the only thing my son had spoken for several years.

I stopped my cart and looked at the boy, but did so as naturally as possible under the circumstances. However, it still must of seemed odd as my older son with me in the store had noticed my reaction and became concerned for me.

Son: “Mom, are you okay?  What’s wrong?”

When I turned to look back at the little boy, he was no longer my younger son as a toddler. While the boy there was wearing a similar outfit as my son had, I noticed that it was still quite a bit different.

I began to feel a wave of sorrow and illness sweep over my body and became as white as a ghost. As my heart pounded, my son began to panic.

Son: “Mom, tell me what’s happening?”

I then proceeded to share what just happened as he helped me back out to the car with our groceries. As I sat in the front seat, another wave came over me and it seemed I was yet again back in the year 2000, but I quickly came out of this.

While this seemed to make no logical sense, I started to explain to the kids what had just occurred. I then quickly did a status check of my health, but noticed that I did not feel anything physically wrong with me.

For some reason, my youngest son, who is now age 17, became encouraged by all of this. He then asked me what was happening back then.  I explained to him that he and I had taken a trip up to see his grandmother in Idaho after she had just completed her rounds of chemotherapy.

At the time, my mom had now been feeling energetic again for the first time since being diagnosed in the summer with cancer. It was around Thanksgiving and I had just sold my last retail store.  I was quite happy and healthy back then as well.

This particular year 2000 had been marked by my vision of Elijah and Enoch, followed by a separation in my marriage, my mom’s cancer, the sale of my retail stores and the death of a friend. All of this served to trigger the surrender of my life to the Lord while crying about all of my losses while sitting in the Portland Rose Garden.

When we got home from the store, I immediately went to the Lord. He called me to search for a few items, including a small Red Journal from January 9th, 2011 to March 31st, 2011.  He also wanted me to search for a photo of my son in the same blue outfit that I had just witnessed at the store.

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This was a painful search for me, but I soon found what I was looking for. However, I then set everything aside for a few days before going back to the Lord again on December 5th, 2016.  I then later had several more dreams, but one in particular was with my daughter as a baby.

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

I was immediately sitting next to Jesus up in Heaven.

Jesus: “Where did you go, Erin?”

Me: “Searching, Lord, painfully searching.  Why did You take me back to this time?  I was happy and my sons were happy.  In these pictures, I had peace on my face.  My mom, even with her wig due to the cancer treatments, looked so happy too.”

Jesus: “This was sixteen years ago.  Erin, it was not an accident that I brought you here.  These were the times before your trouble.

“Your children have brought you the greatest joy and I have never forgotten how you have stood in the gap for them and prayed many times for each of them. You have forsaken all you have for them, even with all of your difficulties, so that they would never need to worry and would have laughter and joy.

“Though there was abuse done to them by others, much of this was shielded from them by angels and their memories were veiled. Soon, your children will be healed, renewed and restored and you will see this.

“All of your prayers have been heard and all your petitions have been recorded. Your case has been heard in the Courts of My Father.  I will restore all that the enemy has stolen from you.  These photos record your last few happy moments before an epic journey.  I have never forgotten your journey and I remember all of it.

“More importantly, I have seen the beginning from the end and have seen what was done to you that you have not seen. I have taken hold of your right hand.”  Jesus reached for my hand.  “Erin, your sons and daughter remember their best times and it was always with you.

“Your heart grieved so much that it was broken and you never have fully been restored. I will restore your heart and heal your grief.  The happiness you once had is only a small glimmer of what I am about to do with you.  Do you see what I have done so far?”

Suddenly, I saw an epic journey from beginning to end. I saw my race, a crazy winding race and a painful journey.  At one point, I saw a stretch of desert which seemed endless.  It was barren and my lips were parched.

The heat was so punishing that I had no tears as all the water had been drained from my body. It hurt to see all of this.  I then saw events that paralleled my race.  It was like a map, but in a movie format.  It was all so difficult and I was so alone.

I then spent the next couple of days taking care of some enemy trouble that the Lord had instructed me to finish. However, He also led me to read the entire small Red Journal again, a painful record encompassing a span of three full months in 2011.

It was quite excruciating as I did not hear from the Lord back then. I only had prayers, petitions and records of what was happening.  The Lord then instructed me to share this Red Journal for my husband to read as well.  I then went back to the Lord yesterday, December 8th, 2016…

Dear Father,

The painful journey that I have taken has been a lonely one, but You were always there with me. After reading my little Red Journal, there are barely any words.  Thank You for being the Author of my faith life.

I know that my life would be void of value without the gifts of my children and the trials we have endured. Though we are not perfect, we are perfect for your purposes.  That being said, all I can say is, wow, how painful.  I was about to lose my children because I no longer had enough money to continue fighting.

My character was questioned and my sanity was judged. My health was scrutinized and my apartment was labeled.  My very ability to work was a detriment, yet, without a job, I could not support myself and my children and would lose them with this.

My sons were stripped momentarily from me and there was even a huge battle to just keep my daughter. Even then, it looked as if I would still lose her too.  I was a puppet in a horrible theater, all seemingly controlled by my enemy and seemingly for his pleasure and delight.  I suffered greatly during this time.

Had I remained in the previous state that I had resided and not moved to Washington State, I would have been safer and able to fight from a much stronger position. However, I had no leading and moved.  I paid, Father, oh and how I paid dearly.

This Red Journal was a small snapshot of the battle. The grief of my heart was labeled on those pages.  I could not sleep and I was rattled and scared.  I knew that my heart would fail if I lost my kids.  To make matters worse, I was all alone and isolated.

My entire life became exposed in court papers. All of my accomplishments were twisted and somehow now made to seem self-serving and void of a heart.  All of my sacrifices were meant to look like calculated moves, supposedly because I was evil according to all of my enemies’ false testimonials.  Oh Lord, the list of accusations was so long.

However, even in all of this, I saw something, something that I had never noticed before. You, Father, answered my prayers.  You did not always answer my prayers immediately, but You always answered them faithfully and right at the perfect time.

When I read this Red Journal of pain again, I suddenly could see not just the trouble, but You at work. My younger son and daughter were fully returned to me by September of 2011.  My older son was then released to me three years later in 2014.

Father, You returned all of my children to me just as You promised, but I failed to see it at first, so please forgive me. You have done everything according to Your plans and Your timing and it is always perfect despite my complaints.

Bless You, Father, as there is no greater ‘Dad’ than You. Not only did You return my children, but You sustained us during some very difficult times.  You continue to sustain us.  I love You.

I was then called back up to meet with Jesus again.

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

Me: “Lord, I still need Your help.  Could You heal me soon, Lord?  You created pearls in luster and in depth of color.  You created the beauty of the feathers of a peacock and even a tiny hummingbird.  Here, in Heaven and in Your presence, I am made whole and vibrant.  Please consider healing me and my children.  Please, Lord, could you clothe me like I am now and like You do the lilies of the field?” (Luke 12:27)

Jesus: Smiling.  “This is a good thing, but you have no peace yet.  This I know as your heart is troubled still.  You are well prepared to receive this, yet well prepared not to receive this too.  Erin, I am about to do something.  Are you ready?  Now, do you remember what I showed you long ago?”

Jesus reminded me of the Ring of Fire and how this would become more active. Just as He downloaded this, I had an alert on my tablet from my earthquake app.  I looked at it and it read that an 8.0 earthquake had just struck Kirakira in the Solomon Islands.  I looked up the meaning of ‘kirakira’ and found out that it means ‘shining’ or ‘glittering’.

Me: “This is a huge sign, Lord!  Today, Lord, today?”

Jesus: Smiling.  “I Am who I say I AM.  You are in My arms and under My care.  I have NOT forgotten you!  Be strong and courageous.  I love you.”

The Lord was shining so bright that I could barely make out His facial features. The sun seemed to be shining so brightly all around Him that He appeared bright and shimmering.

I was hopeful all that day as I was waiting for something, but nothing happened. I remained hopeful all night too as I was again waiting for something, but still nothing happened.  I then woke up at around 3:15am and got up briefly.  However, I then went back to sleep and was called back to Him.

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

I was now like a child back up in Heaven with Jesus. He was again bright and shining and looked like He was clothed in the sun.  He motioned for me to lie down in the soft grass.  He then told me to begin, from the top of my head with my hair, to give thanks for my life and my body, the vessel of my Spirit, the Counselor, in us.

I thanked God for the gift of my life and even for all of my trials. I thanked Him for the gift of my children and their lives.  I thanked Him for the gift of my husband and his life.  I thanked Him for my dreams and visions.

I thanked Him for my friends and extended family and their households. I thanked Him for all that He has given me to keep me going from strength to strength.  I then thanked God for all that He has done from beginning to end, but especially for sending Jesus to save me and to save us!

He then brought me to my feet and helped me to stand as I was now unable to stand on my own. My body was limp as He placed me in His arms.  He then took my hand and placed it on my head.

Jesus: “Now it is time to give thanks for this body.  It is time to make peace with your body.  No more warring with your vessel.  The two of you must reconcile.”

Me: Crying.  “Lord, forgive me, but my body has always been at odds with me.”

Jesus: “Your worldly flesh is at odds.  Your body does not fight you, but you fight against it.  Now, give thanks, for your body has been with you through these wars and has not failed you even though you see the scars.

“You know the effects your troubles have had. Even though you have not been through a war on a battlefield, and even if you had, you still must make peace with this body that you have been given.  You must forgive your body as it is a gift.  You have forgotten that in it houses my great treasure, your heart.  Now let us make peace today!”

Me: Now I was really crying here and even as I now write this.  “Oh Lord, I cannot apologize enough.  I have forgiven every enemy and I have reconciled my heart and my soul to You, but I have never forgiven my body for betraying me.

“In fact, I curse it more than I am thankful. I joke about it and laugh at it all the time.  I mock my age and despise my wrinkles.  I see the effects of my trials and the scar and bulge above my c-section and curse it, yet I love my daughter, the divine result.

“I am angry at my skin carved out from the effects of sun exposure in my foolish youth. My fingers can barely write and my head some days can barely lift.  I look at my face and my hair and I am so sad at my loss.

“My legs can no longer dance like I once did and there is so much more. I am racked with pain from head to toe.  I miss the years of my health.  My scars are many and so have been my battles.

“Organs have been removed, batteries keep my heart pumping and a hinge holds my vertebrae together in my spine. The expense has been astronomical and now I wither in place like a flower.”

Jesus: Smiling.  “Then, Erin, it is time.  It is time to make peace and it is time to reverse the curses and bless this vessel.”

He began from my hair and He used my hand to go over each part. I recognized the battles that each of these parts have gone through with me and thanked Him for all of it.  We started from top of my head and then He had me end with my feet.

Jesus: “Beautiful are the feet of those who bring Good News.”

He then brought me over to the River of Life.

Jesus: “I know I have brought you here many times, but this time it is different.  This time you are new.  This time, you are one with your body and I am One with you.  You are a new creation, Erin.  Are you ready?  Come!”

Just then, He walked me into the river…

Dream over…

When I woke up, I felt the need to reconcile my body. I have only been thankful for it when it serves a purpose.  I am also only thankful when I see someone unable to walk or unable to see.  I am so upset that I never once reconciled the curses I had put upon myself with my body.  So today is a good day.  Today is a God day.

The Lord requires all of us to be thankful and make peace. Please join me today in doing so.  He is about to do something with all of us, so we must prepare fully.

Love and blessings, Erin

Erin’s Husband’s reaction to reading the Red Journal:

This journal was extremely hard to read as the attacks on Erin were relentless, false and unjustified. I felt helpless as I read all of this as I so wished I had been by her side to defend her.  However, the Lord had different plans and I knew from reading this that this was all part of the process of making Erin who she is today.  For that, I am grateful.

As I read this journal, I became so saddened by living through her battles in these pages that I cried. This is not something I do every day, but it was so painful to read and so descriptive of the battles, that I had no choice but to keep wiping the tears in order to be able to see and keep reading.

Any ‘envy’ that I may have ever had that it was not me that was able to have these dreams with the Lord immediately vanished as I read. I quickly realized that, in order to be used fully by the Lord and to have a heart of gold, that great things were expected, but also that the blacksmith would have to be used to hammer out all of the dross first.

I knew that this was not something that I could have handled with anywhere near the grace and love that Erin handled it with. I became amazed at how she went back to God time after time during these battles, even when it seemed that He was deaf to her pleas.  In a way, this journal made me love her even more, if that is even possible.

It also made me want to take personal vengeance against her enemies, enemies that never stopped attacking her with wave after wave of trouble. These enemies truly never rested or gave her any time for rest or peace.

However, as I prayed on all of this, I suddenly realized yet again that vengeance really is fully the Lord’s and that I had to give this up fully to Him. I felt a call to pray:

Thank You, Lord, for blessing me with this wonderful woman and loving wife. Even now as I type this testimonial, tears fill my eyes yet again as I realize just how greatly You have blessed me by bringing me my wife, my perfect gift, hand selected by You and You alone.

Lord, I ask, no, I now plead with You to reverse all that the enemy has stolen over these painful years and soon. Yes, always in Your perfect timing, but I pray that You answer and fulfill all of Your mighty promises to Erin very soon as I am helpless to do anything for her on my own.

I now realize that I am but a small man and that only You can do this. So, I ask for all of this in Your Precious Name, in Jesus’ Name alone, Amen!

 

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