Dream 241 – Jesus, Psalm 68 and the Island on the Lake

Finished on Sunday, April 23, 2017

I am 54 years old today. Well, 54 years, 2 months, 30 days, 23 hours and 12 minutes to be more precise.  Isn’t it funny how fast 19,813 days can fly by (smiles)?

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for another day! You are the God of the Impossible!  You make each day a Gift.  Each day is new, each day is unique and each day involves trusting You.  I can either look at each day with dread or I can look at each day with hope.

I spent many years looking at each day in dread. I lacked hope and wondered if this would be the day that I died without purpose under Heaven.  I would actually think like this, ‘with no hope’, because I had been taught that I was the determiner of the outcome of my days.  I was also taught that I was ‘god over myself’.

It was awful and I spent many years as a child living in fear as a result. This fear of the unknown was so frightful to me.  Here I was, told that I determined my own destiny, yet I was surrounded by people who were over me whom I had fear of.

The late 60s and early 70s was a time of such uncertainty for me, but most likely for so many. Families were estranged and many young adults, whether they had children to care for or not, still explored their freedoms and took part in their ‘options’.

Let’s just say that I was an observant child that was just too curious about the comings and goings of my parents for my own good. I knew WAY too much and I ended up carrying this burden with me for most of my life.

This ended up causing some rather gaping open wounds and I had bitterness, anger and a very low self-esteem as a result. I also felt as if I just did not matter and even like ‘collateral damage’.  I met each day with trepidation and, each day, I wondered if I would lose my parents.  I just did not know as there was really no certainty at all.

While I cannot speak for my siblings and perhaps it was only me that felt this way, I was the eldest and my burden was great as a result. I soon grew to distrust authority due to my parents’ poor example.  I grew up trying to control the only things that I thought I could control – my body and my destiny.

I later turned to sports and working out, but I also spent a lot of time on things that only I cared about. I spent hours in the sun and even more hours starving myself.  I would put myself through extremely punishing workout routines.

I was never satisfied though and had very little peace as a result. I had so much self-loathing that, no matter how high my achievements were, I still could care less.  This is because I would look at myself as ‘still not good enough’.  Myself was all about ‘I I I I’!

It was pure madness and I suffered with the illness of bulimia for almost thirteen years of my life as a result. I was eventually diagnosed as ‘bulimorexia’, the exercise induced version of bulimia, for nine of those thirteen years.  I would ‘binge’, which, to me at the time, even meant just eating an apple, then purge and then exercise like crazy again.

Despite this tendency towards self-destruction, I somehow remained diligent in not taking anything into my body which would render me incapacitated. As a result, I would always be asked to be the ‘designated driver, bartender and friend’ to the inebriated.

This allowed me to keep a close watch of my friends and I made sure that no one would be hurt or embarrassed by their escapades. I would also keep tabs on them so that no one could take advantage of them as there was a risk of this even back then.

As a result, a night out with my college friends would usually involve me being ‘a driver, an attendant, a protector and a mother’. This meant that I would also be treated as one would expect when constantly dealing with ‘the intoxicated’.

One moment, I would be their ‘best friend’. Seconds later, I would be ‘a big pain in their a**’.  Then they would say, ‘who are you, my mother?’  Sometimes I would then even be called a ‘total b****!’ to my face.

The next day, a new pattern would repeat once sobriety hit them again. I would then receive an apologetic phone call:  ‘Whoa, what happened last night?  I am so sorry!’

Well, I eventually grew tired of all of this and the illnesses I personally struggled with also prevented me from even wanting to socialize. After a while, I just stopped being an ‘enabler’ in order to allow me to increase my focus fully back on to my ‘SELF’.

One of things I learned from all of this is that, when people are intoxicated around you and you are sober, there is a lot you will ‘learn’ about yourself. It is almost as if everything they are thinking of you will be brought to the surface as alcohol seems to work almost like a truth serum.  Yes, I heard quite a lot of horrible things spoken to me in drunken slurs.

I now realize that so much of this was lies after lies brought on by these ‘spirits’. For many years, I would try to mask the pain of these ‘truth serum moments’ from everyone by hiding behind a ‘mask of humor’.  This was something that my mom had taught me to do and it was a great method of deflecting what I was really feeling.

Needless to say, I spent my first 30 to 33 years of my life not truly connected to the heart of Jesus. While I gave my heart declaration to Him at the end of my 30th year, I was still not ‘fully in’ until I was in my 33rd year.  On my 37th year, I once again asked for a ‘Heart of Gold’, a repeat from my yearbook request from years earlier before I even knew Jesus as my Savior.

Thank You, Father! Thanks to You, I have never been the same ever since!  Thank You for keeping me safely in Your Arms.  Thank You for not letting me die.  Thank You for the Gift of each new day.  Looking back, Father, I now realize that You were always there with me, working everything together for my good.

When I was a child, I did not see myself as anything and I was reduced simply because of my size, my circumstances and my abilities. When I became older, I began to ‘self’ rise up, empower myself and became ‘self’-ish.

Thank You for truly reducing me and for removing my vain ambitions.  Thank You for keeping me where You desire me to be.  It was not until I gave You my life that I allowed You to finally tear down my wall brick-by-brick.  This wall was very strong as I had erected it in order to preserve myself against so much.

Finally, and thanks to You and You alone, no wall now remains. I am fully exposed, fully reduced, completely abased and stripped of everything that would have prevented me from what You have called me to.  I am so sorry that I was such a difficult ‘student’ for You, Lord!

There is a saying I once heard that goes something like this: ‘The higher one thinks of one’s self, the harder one falls’.  While I had never really thought that highly of myself, I still worshipped gods other than You.  I was still a slave to another master.  As a result, I was at the mercy of the world and this world, without You, is merciless.

Today is a reminder of the lengths that You will go for each of us. By all accounts, You should have given up on me long ago.  Instead, and I am so thankful, just so thankful, You never gave up on me.  Even when I gave up on myself, You never gave up on me!

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

I was already running at a good clip. Beauty surrounded me on all sides.  This place was either Heaven or was some type of separate ‘training ground’ still created by God.  However, I was not entirely sure where this was.  What I did know was that I was safe to run here.

As I looked down, I noticed that I had high-tech training clothes on that could only be Heavenly. I was in black running pants and a blue athletic jacket made for running in cooler weather.

The clothing I wore did not feel like anything I had seen or felt on Earth and this had been specifically made for ‘Heavenly running’. If this gear does exist on Earth, I am sure that the outfit I was wearing would easily cost several thousands of dollars.

Even the shoes I was wearing felt more like ‘clouds’ on my feet. So much so that I literally felt like I was ‘running on clouds’.  My running shoes were made of sheepskin, complete with lining and padding.  It was as if I was running in ‘Ugg’s’, but athletic ones.

Though difficult for me to fully describe, my shoes were also ‘all-terrain’ shoes and I knew that I would be able to do all things in them while running, no matter the extreme conditions. I could not help but shake my head as I looked down at my feet.

When I then went to feel my hair, I realized that it was in a ponytail and had been placed through the gap in the back of a baseball cap. As I felt my hair, I suddenly realized that I also had gloves on.  The gloves were incredibly light and airy and beyond compare.

While I did not feel cold or hot at all, perfect really, I somehow knew that I was running on a type of mountain course in terrain similar to the Canadian Rockies. When I looked around me at the very high majestic mountains, I could see snow dusting the peaks.  While I could feel the cool air expand my lungs, nothing was labored at all.

I suddenly realized just how completely healthy I felt here. Oh, how I wish that this was real and not a vision.  Before the Lord takes me Home, how I would love to enjoy a vigorous run, cycle or even row on the water in this amazing condition.

As I went to feel my right side with my hand, I realized that I had no unhealthy fat at all. I was lean, yet still completely healthy.  I felt similar to how I did back when I was around twelve years old.  Everything was so easy back then, whether it was breathing, running or just being excited in my steps.

I decided to take my glove off in order to see my bare hand. It was young and beautiful and there were no wrinkles or sun damage to be found.  I then stopped entirely in order to look at my right hand as I wrote ‘here on Earth’.  It was still full of years and looked nothing at all like what I was seeing in the vision.

I realized that this was not something I should have done as the vision suddenly stopped. I then felt a call for me to go into prayer over what I had just done.

Oh Father, I am sorry. I stopped to look at my hands as they write here.  I stopped and then my pain instantly returned.  Please forgive me for comparing my earthly hand to my Heavenly hand.  Please, Lord, bring back the vision.

After I prayed this with all of my heart, the vision came back. However, the pain still remained in my right arm as I wrote.  I started running again and was now approaching a beautiful mountain lake that I could see in the distance.  I decided to run even faster as I wanted to drink some refreshing water from the lake.

I ran down the bank, quickly scooped the water up with my cupped hands and drank. The water was incredibly pure, cool and perfectly refreshing.  As I bent down to drink some more, I could see Jesus waving to me in the distance.  He was standing on a tiny island out on the lake.  He called out to me.

Jesus: “Erin, come out to Me.”

I hesitated as there was quite a bit of water between the shore and the island.

Jesus: Smiling.  “Come out to Me, Erin.  There is no storm here.”

I looked down at the water again. As I did, I could hear Jesus laughing good-naturedly.

Jesus: “Oh Erin, what are you looking at down there?  The fish cannot give you feet.”  He laughed.  “So, walk, Erin, walk and only look at Me.”

I looked at the water again and started to negotiate to myself in my thoughts.

Me: “Hmm, if I fall in, then I know that Jesus will save me.  Even though I will get wet, it will still be a good lesson in faith.  Hmm, what if I just keep my eyes on Him and just start running?”

Jesus: Knowing my thoughts.  “Yes, Erin, just keep your eyes on Me and start running.  This really is your best option.”  He was smiling.  “Come on, Erin, you can do this.”

I decided to focus on Him alone and started to run as if there was a path that went straight over to the island. Jesus smiled at me and gave me an approving nod as I ran towards Him.  I felt strongly that I was not to take my focus off of Him at all.

Even though it felt as if I was now running on solid ground, I resisted the urge to look down at my feet. I soon made it to the shore and ran straight into His open arms.  As He embraced me, I felt as if I was a little kid again and had so much life in me.

Me: “Wow, Lord, that was amazing.  It felt as if I was running on solid ground!”

Jesus: Smiling.  “Well, Erin, look back.”

I looked back and there was now a bridge that stretched across the water from where I had been over to the island. I started laughing as I had indeed been running across a bridge towards Jesus the entire time!

Me: “Hmm, so I wasn’t walking on water after all, was I?”

Jesus: Laughing.  “No, but does it matter?  Now, would it be more difficult for you to run across the water or for you to run across a bridge that I had just built for you in just a matter of seconds?”

Jesus then led me over to the water’s edge. As I looked into the water, I was surprised to find that the water had only looked really deep, but was actually only about three inches deep.

Jesus: Smiling.  “So, I will again ask you which is more of a miracle.  Is it Me building a bridge in seconds or you running on water?”  He laughed.  “Oh, on three inch deep water at that.”

Me: “Lord, though walking on water is something people have heard about, it is still difficult for us to imagine.  Even though I am now standing here with You and neither my clothes nor my shoes are wet, many would still try to explain this away by claiming that this was all done by boat or helicopter.

“In contrast, a bridge like this one would easily take men years to plan and build. Yet here it is, right before our very eyes, in just seconds.  This bridge is so sturdily built that, unless You destroyed it, the evidence of this miracle is right here in front of us.  Just a short time ago, this bridge did not even exist.

“Now, as these shoes are so incredible, many could also then say that I could have easily run in only three inches of water and claim that this was still not evidence as the shoes are waterproof. Based on all of this, I would have to say that the bridge would be more difficult to explain and would be even more of a miracle to them.”

Jesus: Smiling.  “Hmm, interesting.  So, we are talking about a miracle ‘with evidence’ versus a miracle ‘without evidence’ even though the result is exactly the same, right?  If I were to remove the miracle all together, you would have run into the water and had wet shoes.  Now, tell Me, which method do you like best for arriving where you are?”

Me: “Well, the ‘old me’ would have preferred to have run through the water.  The ‘new me’ loves the idea of being like Peter and running across the water to You.  However, I must admit that I just love having the physical evidence of Your miracle!  This is awesome, Lord!”  Jesus smiled and laughed at my reply.

“You must understand, Lord, that just being here with You in this body and in this beautiful place, well…” I started to cry.  “…very few believe me.  I wish that more people could see more of this, Lord, and believe that it is from You.  If only, Lord.”

I was now crying quite hard and the Lord reached for my hand. As He gently held my hand, He looked into my eyes with a tenderness that defied all earthly description and any earthly comparison.

Jesus: “Do not worry, Erin, soon.  Soon the world will know the difference between that which is counterfeit and that which is real.  Though some will still be fooled, those who know Me will know the difference.  Now, come and sit with Me.”

I followed Him as He walked over to a beautiful rock that had a bench seat cut into it. As He sat down, He motioned for me to sit next to Him.

Jesus: “Erin, this was a difficult lesson for you today as your memories were stirred up.  Though they have strengthened you for your journey, give these to Me now.”

Me: “I am sorry, Lord.  I am sorry that I was so selfish, so bitter, so angry, so vain, so competitive, so judgmental and so much more.”

Jesus: “Erin, let this all go and give it to Me.  My burden is easy and My yoke is light.”

He motioned for me to remove my yoke. I laughed and ‘pretended’ to lift my yoke off of my shoulders.  However, as I ‘lifted’ my yoke, I realized that something heavy was actually on my shoulders even though I could see nothing there.  My laughter quickly turned into a grimace when I realized that I simply could not take this off by myself.

Me: “Oh Lord, please take this thing off of me.”  I must have now looked panicked.

Jesus: “Erin, allow Me.  Allow Me to take this yoke from you.”

With one hand, He lifted my yoke from my shoulders. It was as light as a feather to Him.  In comparison, it felt like it weighed ‘tons’ to me.  I suddenly felt light and free.

Me: “Oh, thank You, Lord, thank You!”

He smiled and nodded with approval. He then turned towards the lake and tossed this seemingly invisible object into it.  A split second later, it dropped into the water and created a massive donut wave as if a meteor had just hit.  As a huge wave headed towards us, He lifted His arm and the water immediately calmed.  We were both now laughing so hard.

Jesus: “Wow, Erin, that was heavy.”

Me: “Oh Lord, I had no idea just how heavy my yoke was!  However, nothing is a surprise to You and You are always in control of all things.”

Jesus: “Well, Erin, while it was not heavy to Me, the water certainly parted for it.  Hmm, perhaps the fish will need to eventually come out of hiding.”

We both laughed and I felt such joy in this amazing moment with Him. He then turned towards me, looked into my eyes and became quite serious.

Jesus: “Now, Erin, I am not cruel.  I know that you are in great pain.  I have every intention of healing you, but this time will not be like before.  This time, there will be evidence and this will be like a bridge.  There will be physical evidence and no one will be able to say ‘this’ or ‘that’, understand?”

I suddenly felt encouraged that I was soon to have an earthly version of this. While the Lord had previously told me that our Transformed bodies would not be as perfected as our eventual Heavenly bodies, He had also assured me that we would be absolutely delighted with what He will do for us here on Earth.

Me: “Yes, Lord.”

Jesus: “I know your thoughts, Erin, so give these to Me as well.  I will make everything beautiful in its time, so do not worry.  To me, you are beautiful and this is your time.  Now, you have had some dreams recently in support of this.”

As He said this, two dreams that I had been trying to remember suddenly came back to me completely.

Me: “Yes, the first dream was quite unusual, but so was the second dream…”

Dream 1 description begins…

I was putting together a series of complex formulas in order to make a fragrance. However, I knew that this fragrance was being uniquely created for me by You and that You were working through me to create it.  When it was finally finished and bottled, it smelled incredibly beautiful.

Dream 1 description over…

Dream 2 description begins…

I had no clothing in my closet to wear to a special gala that was coming up. In fact, I had nothing in my closet at all and it was completely empty.  Some friends soon arrived and told me that it was time to go.  I then explained to them that I had nothing to wear.

My friends then told me not to worry and took me over to a large school gymnasium. This gym had a stage on one end of it and served as both a gym and an auditorium.  As I gazed out on the floor of the gym, I could see that every item of clothing and shoes that I had ever owned were there.  They were either from my own personal clothing or from my clothing store that I had previously owned.

The clothes were all color coordinated and organized perfectly. I was simply stunned as I looked around.  I saw things that I remembered from my past that were now outdated.  Some of the items were even from my childhood and had been hand sewn by my mom.  I nervously turned towards my friends as I thought that what I was about to say would be unpopular.

Me: “Thank you for all of this.  However, all of this clothing is now useless to me.  I have new garments now and I am no longer the same person that I once was.”

Instead of being upset at my reaction, my friends instead cheered me on with such encouragement.

One friend: “So, what shall we then do with everything?”

Me: “Give it away!”

My friends once again cheered.

Dream 2 description over…

Jesus: “Hmm, so you have a new fragrance that I created for you.  You even have new garments.  This is good news, right?”

Me: “Yes, Lord, but what will I have to wear?”

Jesus: “Well, Erin, whatever you need will be given to you, understand?”

Me: “Lord, I travel to see my doctor again.  Please heal me.  The pain is now more than I am able to take.  Please, Lord, there is no relief and the pain now even makes my heart race.”

Jesus reached over and touched my arm. I suddenly felt my pain removed and it continued to be removed for the remainder of my writing.

Me: “Thank You, Lord.”

Jesus: “Soon, Erin, very soon.”

Me: “Lord, there was snow again yesterday and nearly three inches fell.  The trees are budding, but they have not yet blossomed.  The little animals are back, the pussy willows are on the trees and little birds are nesting.  Spring seems to have just begun.  Please, Lord, please soon.  I love You.  I love You so much.”

I suddenly felt led to pick up my Bible. The Bible opened to Psalm 68 and I noticed that I had written the date ‘7.8.2012’ there from back in 2012.  He then led me to Psalms 64 and 65.

Jesus: “The first one is the assurance that all which was foretold will come to pass.  You have come against many people who hate you for no reason, but especially in this season.  Look carefully at what I have shown you here today and do not be afraid.  Erin, remember the promises that I have given you.”

I was then drawn back to my Bible. He then led me to Psalms 45 and 46.

Jesus: “Now, be encouraged – the promise of spring – the time of your new fragrance.”

He smiled and hugged me.

Dream over…

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