Dream 710 – I know that your wait has been long
Received on Sunday, June 25, 2023
Communion
Dear Father,
Thank You for another day here! Thank You for time. This is a time of wars and rumors of wars as it seems the New World Order is positioning all across the globe. As for us, June has always been a historically busy month. June is the end of the school year (typically) and the beginning of summer. I would call it freedom from extreme anxiety, pressure, deadlines, uncertain outcomes and the final report… the final grade. Highschool was a huge milestone, a transition from being a teenager to adulthood.
It was all about where I was going. It didn’t have it fully figured out as to how to get there, just that I knew what I hoped to become. Very few of my friends had their destinies mapped with precision. With me, there were so many twists and turns, it was ridiculous. All I did know was this… mom was moving and I really had no place to come home to. I realized that I had to figure it all out on my own.
My mom basically said to me, ‘If anyone can do this, you can.’ This basically translated to ‘my obligations to provide for you have now concluded. Good luck on your journey’. Mom had moved on with a new life. Her home was sold and she moved into a cabin with just an outhouse, one bedroom plus a loft. There was only room for my brothers. Talk about placing glass shards in the eagle’s nest. I was ready to fly.
All I knew was to either wait a year and work or start college in the fall. While I was accepted to the University of Idaho’s Arts Program, I knew I would be there along with all of those I graduated with. I instead took off to Naples FL to visit my estranged father. I lived about two blocks from the beach in a home with a pool. We spent a lot of time at the beach. It was a great summer until my dad switched things up.
We moved to Marco Island FL near the Isle of Capri. I saw the summer slipping away. I worked at an ad agency as a fulltime graphic artist assistant. In a series of unbelievable events, I came home one day to find my dad, my stepmom and all my siblings had moved away. They left my bags on the front steps. Here I was, at the end of July 1981 at age 18, in one of the most expensive areas of the USA all by myself.
I phoned a friend at work and told my boss and his wife. While they phoned the police, I was now 18. It was quickly determined that this was not a crime as I was now an adult. Even so, no one would help me get home to Idaho. I needed to earn money quickly. I was offered the sofa at a friend’s condo just until I earned enough to purchase a plane ticket. I thank God for her as I don’t know what would have happened to me.
I worked evenings as a waitress at an Italian restaurant and worked days as a dental assistant for a denture doctor. The minimum wage was $3.25 per hour and the minimum wage for a tip-based job was $2.10 per hour. While it took me several months afford to go home, I finally made it home in December 1981. I immediately enrolled at North Idaho College and rented a small cottage next to a cemetery.
While Mom helped out a bit, I had grown up quickly and realized I was alone in this life. College came with twists and turns. I never imagined it would lead me to Penn State in the fall of 1984 via the women’s golf team. I never imagined it except, when I was a little girl growing up, I had a tiny Penn State sweatshirt that hung on my wall. While I dreamt of going there, I knew very little about this college at the time.
Graduating eventually came, but it took some time. I was just a few credits short of an additional two BA degrees in art education and art history. Even so, I graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts (BFA) in painting and design from the College of Arts & Architecture. All of my friends had met their husbands in the last semester of school.
When the summer of 1987 arrived, my mom wanted me to come visit her. However, I simply could not afford the time or the money to make it home. For my graduation ceremony, no one came out to attend. I was alone. But here is the great news… Father, I was never alone because You were there with me the whole time and every step of the way. Your hand was upon my life and I am so grateful for you.
So, this is my journey as summed up in Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” What a gift! What a gift to me that You are my Father. Well, here we are now… the last child has graduated. While my two sons will most likely always be very near to us, the other three are working in their respective fields and preparing their way.
It has been bittersweet. Something has happened to me in this process. Spiritually, I am so thankful for our children to see God working in miraculous ways. I am so encouraged. However, I look at my age and my capabilities and I am not sure how I will endure. Lord, when will You step in with Your miracles? When? We all need You.
I had spent almost 2/3rds of my life confusing my path with my destination. I was always so worried about missteps in my plans on my path and on my journey. However, this I know for certain… God is enough! He is enough! Nahum 1:7, “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the days of trouble and He knows those that trust in Him.” Psalm 32:8, “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go; I will fix My eyes upon thee.”
This I know for certain… I have planned many times for great things according to ‘my way’. However, the Lord has greater plans. Who could predict a life like mine? It is a path that was and still is rocky. False doctrine says…
- Name it and claim it.
- Carve your way.
- Speak miracles into existence.
- Whatever you declare, call it into being.
While this is nice and positive good stuff (if completely about God), we can do nothing without Him. We are not little gods. A child of God is not a ‘mini-god’. No matter how many times I think I have control of my path, I really do not. All I do know is that my destination, or where I will end up, is eternal, Heaven with Jesus. How I get there is God’s journey for me. This is not about my way, but all about God’s way.
Now, I can make my way hell on Earth by doing things against God only to find myself in a sea of failures, troubles and a real mess. However, what is easier… a mess with God helping you through it or a mess without Him? Either way, I prefer His way, His path, for His purposes in my life, His message, through my mess.
I have been burned out lately. I have been hit with so many troubles, so much in the ways of complications, I have been disheartened. A few nights ago, at exactly 2:21am, I was awakened to a horrible sound. My light was turned on by my husband standing up and about to pass out and unable to breathe. I was wondering if his lungs had collapsed or what had happened.
He was beginning to lose consciousness. As I prayed to the Lord for wisdom in this situation, I had him sit on the bed and tried to calm him down. He was panicked. I had him lift his arms as I ran to get my inhaler. I had him take three puffs. He then started to relax as I breathed with him. He finally could breathe. So many things went through my mind. He later explained that his breath ceased after an intense coughing fit.
We both thought he was dying. I realized that we lived so far away that something like this would have killed him if he were alone. I hadn’t heard him because the AC unit and a fan was on. We are scheduling an appointment for him to be seen by a doctor. It was scary. Thankfully, it wasn’t my husband’s time and I am relieved.
Then two nights ago at approximately 3:00am, in my dream, I heard the voice of an angel telling me to ‘get up, wake up now!’ I awoke to my shoulder being pinned by my husband’s elbow. My entire arm was now asleep. While it took a while, I slowly regained movement. I have never had this happen before.
Last night, I awoke at 2:10am with something I haven’t had in many years… wave after wave of vasovagal issues with waves of weakness, sweats and nausea. It went like this for an entire hour. Once I started to pray against this, it left just as quickly as it came. When later touching base with our kids, we noticed that two of them had been under attack and up at the same time with nightmares.
We know that a group of wiccans have been presenting themselves to us at various spots. I am friendly to them as I do not want to invite further troubles. My daughter even had to call in sick. This is something she never does, but she was experiencing something extremely unusual.
Oh Lord, I am so tired today. I am downcast and exhausted from these battles. I am sorry if I have done things to dishonor You in anyway. I am restless. I do not want to jump ahead of You. Please help me, Father. I am powerless in this life. All of us are. We are all nothing without You!
A Bend OR real estate agent that I have known for many years contacted me with the perfect home for us there. However, I do not have any way to purchase this. It is beyond our abilities. I have resigned my hopes and dreams completely to You. I am sorry, Father. To me, You have always represented my Shining Knight on a beautiful white horse coming to collect me, defend me and to save me from evil. I can do nothing on my own except for making a wreck of things.
We have been preparing for something. What exactly this is I do not know. However, I do know it is for Your purposes and not our comfort. Perhaps I am praying for a false hope or for the wrong things. All of this seems so impossible. Perhaps quitting is the best option for me. In my dream last night, I was helping people to find You. I was helping them find their way to You. Father, I was preparing for a grand meal way beyond my personal capabilities.
Jesus: “Erin, come up!”
He once again spoke to me while I sat in my devotional chair. His Voice was very clear.
Jesus: “Erin, I am here and I am with you. Don’t give up! Don’t give up! You had great expectations, but now you are tired. Days have come and gone. The enemy of your days is time as you frame your days as a measure of it. However, time is Mine. I know you have grown tired and weary as the plans I have promised have not come to pass yet. There is a reason for this and it has an eternal purpose.”
Me: “Oh Lord, I know this is based on God’s time and calendar, not on my will.”
Jesus: “It has to be on His time as your will would still leave many excluded from salvation. While you would not do this on purpose as your heart is not evil, it is because you long for My promises for your friends and family. You are discouraged that miracles are not yet on full display. It seems that all you have experienced is for nothing to others if you cannot proclaim the miraculous. Erin, I know you have more questions than I am willing to answer. I am able, but, for your sake, unwilling. You must trust Me now more than you ever have for the outcome. When you are down, come to Me in praise and I will strengthen you.”
Me: “Lord, I feel like an empty vessel right now. The world and all it has to offer doesn’t satisfy. Something is wrong here. There is a scent in the air that makes me ill. It is musty like powder, old roses and paper documents. It has been around the last few days and smells like my grandmother’s funeral viewing. I have searched for the source and cannot find it. It smells like the spirit of death. Please remove this from my presence, from around my daughters’ rooms and from my devotional chair.”
Jesus: “Calm down, Erin. I am here and I am with you. No spirit of death will come to you, your husband, your daughters, your sons or your house. It is not to be. You have enemies that have called upon your death, along with that of your children and your husband. However, I have the keys to life and death and it is I who controls this. Evil can send smells and various things to distract you, variables like troubles to you. However, not one will succeed… Erin, not one! Now, breathe, Erin, for I am here and I am with you. I know you are discouraged.”
Me: “Lord, why is it that sometimes miracles happen with lightning speed and Your power is on full display and, at other times, healing is delayed, only partial healing, or the door presented it only partially opened or our prayers aren’t fully answered even when our faith in the situation is big. Since I am a Bride, Your Bride, I have watched for You coming for us over and over. Every night, I think, ‘Tonight is perfect!’
“I look out the window and I imagine the lights of Your Groomsmen coming or I imagine music and joyous shouting. I look out and wonder, ‘Is He coming soon? Where is He?’ While the others go down to have dinner, shop and run errands, I wait for You. Perhaps I should have instead gone into town and made myself happy.
“Perhaps that is what You would want. The longer I wait, I doubt myself and wonder if You have decided to not come for me. Perhaps You are disappointed with my thoughts or behaviors while waiting for You. While You send help to sustain me, perhaps my prayers and thankfulness are too weak? Perhaps…”
Jesus: “Oh Erin, the wait has been long. I know, I know. Endurance requires strength that I give to you. I never promised it would be easy. However, I did promise you that I would not leave you. I am here. I am.”
Me: “I thought You would have come for me by now. This is my 61st year, Lord. It is becoming difficult. Please don’t forget us.”
Jesus: “I will not. Erin, I never could. Every person I have called to your dreams has a special place in My heart and in My Kingdom. All your prayers for each of them have been answered. Each one has a special call from My Father in Heaven. Do not forget this. God is in you, Erin. I am there in the midst of you. You will not fall. I will help you at the break of day. Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past.
“See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Erin, wild animals even honor Me… the jackals and the owls… because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland… to give drink to My people, My Chosen. Erin, you are grafted in, a gentile, I formed for Myself. You have proclaimed My praise.”
Me: “Lord, the next portion of the Scripture (Isaiah 43) is all that Your people have not done.”
Jesus: “Yes, but not My Chosen, those I have called. You have followed Me and have continued even though you are exhausted. You have brought gifts to Me and honored Me with your sacrifices. You have been generous and lavish Me with your heart of gold. You honor Me with your lips and continue to praise My name even in your afflictions. You have been passed through the fire and you still run to Me.
“You have not been burned. I have shaped you and formed you in your mother’s womb. You are Mine. I remember your sins no more. Erin, you watch for Me. You continue. Do not be afraid. Do not fear for I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name. You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
“When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The flames will not set you ablaze. I am God. I am with you and you are precious and honored in My sight. Because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid for I am with you. I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.
“I will say to the north give them up and to the south – do not hold them back. Bring My sons from afar and My daughters from the ends of the Earth, everyone who is called by My name, whom I created for My glory, whom I formed and made. Erin, listen carefully… lead out those who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf. All the nations gather together and the peoples assemble.
“Which of their gods foretold any of this and proclaimed to us the former things? Let them bring in their witnesses to prove that they are right so others may hear and say, ‘It is true!’ You are My witnesses and My servants who I have chosen so that you may know and believe Me and understand that I am He. Before Me, no god was formed nor will there be one after Me.
“I, even I, am the Lord. I was there at the beginning and apart from Me there is no other Savior. I have revealed and saved and proclaimed I, and not some foreign god among you. You are My witnesses that I am God. Yes, and from ancient days, I am He. No one can deliver out of My hand. When I act, who can reverse it?
“Erin, I am about to do something in your days you would not believe even if I told you. Now, as one age has ended, so too will another begin. You will usher in a new age as a horn is sounded. I am with you. Beside Me, there is no other god. So, take comfort in this. You will ride forth victoriously in the cause of truth, humility and justice as I am with you. Let your right hand achieve awesome deeds.
“Your sharp arrows will pierce the hearts of My enemies. You will be anointed with the oil of joy. Your robes will be fragrant and adorned with jewels. Listen, Erin… you are My princess. Forget your people and your father’s house. You are not bound by them. I love you. You are Mine.”
Me: Crying. “Lord, I needed You to comfort me. I was so sad.”
Jesus: “You are in your Bridal Chamber waiting for the sound that the Groomsmen are coming. Be encouraged. I have not forgotten you. I would never forget you. Your name is written on the palms of My hands. Now rejoice.”
Me: “Lord, this is Isaiah 43, Psalm 45, Isaiah 49 and even Haggai.”
Before we could continue, my older son interrupted me about something ridiculous. I quickly went back to the Lord.
Jesus: “Forgive him as his understanding is limited. I have him. Do not worry. Now rejoice, Erin, as I bring you Good News.”
Me: “Thank You, Lord. I needed help.”
Jesus: “My attendants will come in advance bearing shouts of praise, music and gifts, all to announce My arrival. Now rejoice as I am with you.”
Me: “Bless You, Lord, and thank You!”
Dream over…
Previous Dream: http://sparrowcloud9.com/heaven-dreams-interpretations/the-tribulation/excerpt-from-dreams-questions-answered/full-dreams/dream-709/
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