Dream 771 – Praying to our Great Healer
Received on Wednesday, January 24, 2024
Communion
Dear Father,
Thank You for another day! Thank You for the wonderful weather and safe travels on our journey yesterday. Thank You for this beautiful day. Thank You for another birthday. I must admit that it was an unforgettable day. It was also one of the weirdest and surreal days. I don’t have much to say really. My life should have been over years ago… well, in reality, so many different times.
I am just glad to be here and to be of value to You, Father. It is always Your choice to allow us our days here. You ultimately know our days and determine our steps. I am not ready to go though. Oh Father, You promised. While death is not painful, living in this dying painful state is a hard thing. I thought this would be simple as my cancer seemed to be caught early. However, I learned yesterday that it wasn’t.
If I am being honest, I am both disappointed and upset. I am mad and angry at this situation. I am sorry too. I am sorry for being mad at You. While I had plans, these plans did not turn out the way I thought they should. Even so, while You did tell me a year ago that I was sick, I just had no idea with what. After speaking with my surgeon yesterday, I even contemplated doing nothing and just waiting.
However, the doctor then replied that I might have two years to live at best. It would also be a very painful road. He advised removing the kidney and praying that it hasn’t spread to my bladder or elsewhere. This would mean aggressive chemo. I am not a fan of facing this fight. I need a few pre-op diagnostics before my kidney is to be removed somewhere around the first week of March 2024.
Oh Father, do You still love me? Have You grown tired of me? Am I no longer of use to You? You are God over all things, including my kidney. You made my body. You are the Architect. Please remodel me. Please fix me. Please fix me so that I can live and testify.
As I said these things, I looked out of my window. In the tree to my right was a crow and a swallow. I don’t see swallows here. I then looked at the clouds and they formed a chain straight across the horizon.
What are You telling me, Father? Where are You? Have You forsaken me? All of the money we have saved for various emergencies will now be used for medical purposes. I need to get my house in order, including an advance directive and a will. Why? Because a wise man prepares for these things for the sake of his family.
Maybe Bend, OR is just a future ‘New Earth’ promise or a Transformation thing. I will take my attention off of the future things, including my imagined hopes and dreams, in order to fully focus on the here and now. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift… that is why they call it ‘The Present’.
Me: “Father, in light of this bad news, please show me how to do all of this. Grant me wisdom to prepare my house and my heart for what comes. Do You still love me, Father?”
Jesus: “Erin, come up!”
He once again spoke to me while I sat in my devotional chair. His Voice was very clear.
Jesus: “Erin, I love you. I have never stopped and I never will. I am the Chainbreaker. Now, I know that you are discouraged. Nothing has gone the way you have envisioned it would. This pathway was not on your roadmap.”
Me: “Why wasn’t it, Lord? I will tell You why… because I thought You were going to bless me because my troubles were over. Instead, these are just beginning. I am so sad, Lord. Please help me because I am scared here. While I believe You for the miracles in all things, I just don’t know how You will use me through this.”
Jesus: “So, in other words, are you still surrendering your life to Me for My purposes or are you selecting surrender from a menu of what you will order or not order?”
Me: “Lord, I have eaten from the appetizers. I have tried them all. I agree with You. I want to pick and choose what I will order here. Or how about I just enjoy the fruits and desserts? This is impossible. I have only two options…
- Option 1: Go ahead with the surgery and then there are still problems; or
- Option 2: I will live two years at best and will then suffer a painful death.
“Well, Lord, I instead choose Option 3.”
Jesus: “There was no Option 3 offered by the doctor…”
Me: “You, Lord! You are my Option 3! Since You say You love me unconditionally, I stand on my full faith boldly believing for healing and miracles. This is Option 3!” I was now crying. “Oh Lord, please… Option 3!”
Jesus: “Erin, surrender all of this to Me. There is nothing you can do. This is out of your control. Can you trust Me with your body?”
Me: “You are my Architect. I would be foolish not to trust You. I love You.”
Jesus: “Then let us settle something between us right now. It is okay to grieve bad news. I do not require you to be glad that you are sick. Anyone who claims that God is expecting your complete joy in these things has not truly studied My Word and is a fool. This would be a lie. I know that this is not a joyful thing. If you were joyful during this initial news, I would question it. Job was not joyful at his troubles.
“Now though, at some point, you will be at peace with the direction I take you. Then your joy soon after will be complete. This is difficult to understand right now. However, if you trust Me to carry you on this uncertain path, I will be your lamp to light your way and you will not be fearful. Remember that this life is not about you… it is about bringing the lost into My light. It is about My plans, not yours.”
Me: “Could I ask a favor then, Lord?”
Jesus: “Yes.”
Me: “I don’t want to go through chemo. Please! Could You confine everything to that one kidney? The doctor thinks it has spread. I don’t want to have a permanent catheter. Lord, please! I will be focused more on myself and certainly less of You.”
Jesus: “I know what you need before you ask it. I know you are scared and uncertain. The news is fresh. In your time of prayers, remember Me in worship and focus on all that I have promised you. Remember that you surrendered your life for My purposes. There is no more beautiful love you give Me than your life for My purpose. This is a special gift. Now, will you trust Me?”
Me: “Yes, Lord. I love You.”
Jesus: “I love You too. Now, continue to do good. I am with you. Oh yes, besides the signs in the sky, the little swallow visited your tree. It was perched near the crow.”
Me: “Why, Lord?”
Jesus: “Even though this swallow was not in due season, I still sent it to you. It was following the crow. The crows here have been watchers on your walls, your property. They keep the small birds and animals safe from predators. The swallow is a swift flyer and much different than a sparrow.
“This can be a point of study because sparrows have been your focus. In this season, you are more like a swallow, but still at My Altar is your Nest. This was a special sign from Me today. While you couldn’t see yesterday, you are no longer blind today.
Me: “It was tears, Lord! Tears made my vision bad.”
Jesus: “I know. Now, enjoy these days, Erin. You have been so happy accomplishing your tasks.”
Me: “All of my days are numbered, right, Lord?”
Jesus: “Every person’s days on Earth are numbered. Erin, this is written. However, I didn’t say, ‘Be joyful and enjoy each day because I plan to take your life’. Erin, I have never said this. I am with you. Great is your reward! Be happy and do your lifting now.”
Me: “Lord, can You heal me before my surgery? Lifting now? Will I lose my ability to lift?
Jesus: “No, lift your head and see where your help comes from! Let Me work, Erin. Finish building your Nest at My Altar. I am with you.”
Dream over…
Previous Dream: http://sparrowcloud9.com/heaven-dreams-interpretations/the-tribulation/excerpt-from-dreams-questions-answered/full-dreams/dream-770/
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