Dream 917 – Count The Cost
** Please note that from dream 912 to dream 926, the links had been changed for a period of time for privacy reasons due to life-upending personal events that are revealed in the following messages. Please know that what is shared here only scratches the surface of what truly transpired. Now that we are settled in a new season of life, we are ready to share these details with you. We appreciate your patience and understanding. Blessings, the SC9 team.
Received on Sunday, August 24, 2025
Communion
Dear Father,
Thank You for another day! It’s beautiful out this morning. Fall is in the air and the atmosphere is clear and the colors are bright. You are wonderful and perfect in all things! You take hold of our hands and lead us to a peaceful place.
I almost didn’t come to You this morning. I have very little to say. I have no interest in the things which were once routine. Little things I did everyday to complete before I felt burden-free to come to You (or just general tasks to wake up the home in the morning).
I wished today was the beginning of summer but instead, summer is closing. I walked Caspian down to the water yesterday and he was discovering “falling leaves” for the first time and was chasing them. He offered me a smile and laugh. A moment of distraction away from my troubles.
Our home finally was listed on Friday. Jeff’s children helped us and it was a bittersweet few days. They came over for dinner last night for one final goodbye before going west today before Jeff’s memorial in Winnipeg.
It was difficult to see them say goodbye for the last time to our home. When they left I felt sick knowing that a chapter closed forever here. The home feels empty now. We are just living here as if it were a bed and breakfast while our house needs to remain ready for the real estate showings.
Father, at some point in January, You prepared me for letting go of almost everything here. I remember thinking that maybe a natural disaster was coming and I would need to let go of everything. You reminded me to look at things and count the cost. I believe You meant the movers as when we received the quotes I was shocked. But now as I look around, the furniture and decor I’ve owned for the majority of my life as an interior designer – can go. All of it can go. There is nothing we need which can’t be replaced.
My son is taking the majority of the items. I watch him trying to gather memories in things, as if he were to let go then he would betray those who are now gone.
With our home, Jeff worked so hard for many years professionally to provide for us. When his career ended in 2018 we should’ve moved then and started fresh. I don’t know, but we knew the Lord had built this home for us and all things were for His glory, not our comfort.
Jeff had spiralled because he kept our financial states quiet. He didn’t want me to worry or become burdened with things he felt were only temporary. So, for me, I went on my happy-go-Jesus days – never concerned as life as we knew it continued to carry on. You, Father, would warn me and tell me, and then when I would inquire, Jeff would say, “Everything is fine, no worries”.
Well, things weren’t fine.
The aftermath is devastatingly painful. Or should I say “after-mathman”. My eternal optimist husband and watcher – had an entirely different burden he carried which none of us were aware of. Only You, Father, knew. You gave us warnings of troubles, but I had no idea.
There are things missing. Retracing the steps of a man’s final few weeks apart from his family is a painful thing. I’ve had so many appointments with various people. I’ve had to make arrangements. I’ve had to discern between truth and a different narrative. I’ve had to collect personal effects and begin the fight for Jeff in his death to hold accountable several professionals who failed him.
I went from being a grieving widow to now a consulting attorney to stand in the gap of a faulty system. I’m not sure I have the strength to fight this one, Father, so please continue to open the doors in the hallway of discovery. I promised Jeff’s family I would do this. It’s difficult and painful to be left here in the mess of things.
The only asset we have, Father, is our home. Please, by a miracle, let someone purchase it – in a recession – and quickly! We have a rental in Bend waiting for us to move there but no ability to leave yet.
Last week, I had to continue to notify Jeff’s friends and sort through his belongings. I had already sorted everything for his children. I kept virtually nothing except his wedding ring and some small things from our 12 years together.
Jeff was a watcher and so convinced Jesus was returning soon he had never factored in needing to have pensions or insurance of any kind. With me, the opposite was true. I am a watcher of Jesus, but I look at the mystery of each new day as a new way to discover more of what God has to use us for here! Because I see You, Father, in great wonder and mystery, I was always careful to make sure that if You decided to take me Home early that I would leave behind blessings and gifts to those I leave behind.
This I’ve done – paid my debts, taken the maximum insurance, prepare for any possible scenario and left a pension to care for those I love. I know that a lot of people would say I didn’t live by faith – but I do. I believe wholeheartedly that Jesus is coming, but I never wanted to leave this life with burdens.
Jeff was so optimistic, he kept thinking a miracle would come and erase all of our debts. He carried a silent burden and it became too heavy. He didn’t fully give this to You, Father. Then it became too late.
So, here I am. Father, You are God above all things and none of this surprises You. It is what it is now – so please, Father – please bring us a buyer so we can be set free.
Together, we had a lot of fun preparing our home, spending time with our children and growing as a family. We never took trips or sprung for elaborate things – we instead focussed on stay-cations and activities nearby.
As we began to watch our children grow and leave, we realized that this place was more difficult for just the two of us, so we began to plan our move out west.
Even as I write, I forget that Jeff has passed away. I just now thought about him having a coffee and reading in his office area in his chair. I miss him.
I don’t miss the events leading up to this, but, Father, I pray one day that You would help me remember all the good and not focus on the bad.
Watching his kids leave last night made me cry. I felt a door slamming shut – one which I hadn’t expected in this way. I will see them again of course, it’s just harder to stay in touch when you live so far apart.
Father, I’m broken. I have so many things to do. I have papers to sign and statements to make. I have to close accounts and open others. I have to continue on as if I know what I’m doing and I can barely breathe. I won’t likely make it to Winnipeg for his memorial, but I made all the arrangements for his service and covered all of this so his mom wouldn’t be burdened.
Everything I have is Yours, Lord. All things. I’m sure Jeff is on the overlook seeing all this and interceding for us here. We will have so much to catch up on one day. Some day.
I’m in stunned silence. Tears come and go in waves. I am trying to remain strong, Father, but I’m not. I’m grateful for these years as a family. I’m thankful for this home You built in the land of the trees. I would’ve never been able to live like this where I was from. A castle like this would be in the millions in Oregon. It has been perfect for us and the day in which we leave it and finally say our goodbyes – well I can’t imagine it.
But now the silence here is deafening. I don’t hear Jeff or the kids. I don’t hear Zoey barking at passerby’s or Jeff singing lyrics he was making up from old songs. I no longer hear Sunday morning conversations downstairs or smell the coffee for hear the laughter. It’s all gone now. It’s all gone.
The pain won’t leave me, Father. There is still so much to do so we are able to leave,. My heart is ready to leave but I can’t.
The birds outside are feeding as if they it won’t be much longer. The hummingbirds are preparing to leave again soon as I have seen battles between them in their fight for nectar. This year has been a year of drought and there are very few flowers with nectar. I’ve seen virtually no butterflies this year and even very few bugs. It was great for Jeff’s outdoor landscaping.
My dreams have consisted of general work themes recently.
A few nights ago I had a dream…
Sub-dream 1 “A Key With No Purpose” begins…
I opened a brown cardboard box, inside was another box, then another and another. All surrounded by packing material. I had become frustrated at the process of uncovering “the box” or the main item in the center of all these boxes.
Finally, I cam to the last box and opened it. There was a silver skeleton key, painstakingly packed and no lock to place it in. I set it aside and looked in the various boxes in case I missed something taking all the boxes and packing materials out created such a huge mess for such a small key.
But there it was. In my dream the key had no purpose.
Sub-dream 1 over…
Then in my dream from last night…
Sub-dream 2 “The Mysterious Affair Handler ” begins…
I had been preparing to leave and pack up our last items. I heard a knock on the front door and there was a woman with a gray suit dress and grayish white hair. I opened the door.
Me: “Can I help you?”
Woman: “I am here for the final inspection.”
Me: “You are the inspector?”
Woman: “No, I am the affair handler for my clients and I need to make certain you are leaving things in good order.”
Me: “You should go through my agent.”
Woman: “It was a private sale. She is not involved.”
I was confused – the woman came inside as if she owned the home. We had all but moved out and I was just waiting for my children (my youngest son and my daughter) to come and say goodbye one last time.
She was going through cabinets and as she walked the footsteps echoed. Just then my children pulled up and we emptied the home of what was the last few boxes. We walked through the home to look one last time. We couldn’t fine the woman. She had disappeared. I called out to her, but nothing. I didn’t see a car either.
So, we said our last goodbye and locked the door for the last time. We couldn’t figure out who the woman was.
Sub-dream 2 over…
I woke up to someone saying, “Erin”. Sigh.
Father, please take over. Please.
Jesus: “I’m here, Erin, I’m with you and have never left you. Allow Me to strengthen you. Right now, I know you have many questions and very few answers. Please understand this – remain in Me as I am in you. Continue to do good, Erin. Remain upright in your heart as you continue to walk down this hallway of doors. I promise you good things all the days of your life here.
“Although you struggle with the events as the outcome you never saw coming, please know that I sent angels concerning you to guide you and protect you in all things. I can see the beginning from the end and all which is in between. I had a different way for you and it was not the end. I sent warnings that judgement was coming, yet there was no turning back.
“You and even your children sounded the alarm. All of you told others in authority, but very few expected that there was any merit to your words until you received condolences for your loss.
“Keep your eyes fixed on Me. Continue your forward motion and complete the tasks set before you. The enemy wants you fixed on the past and wallowing in what you might have missed. The enemy is the accuser, do not allow this voice. I allowed all the events which have occurred. I have given you the strength and the means to complete the impossible concerning all of this.
“Tomorrow, continue on with your tasks to complete; one right after the other. Remember, you are strengthened by the King. Turn to see Me in the midst of your troubles and I promise to deliver you from it all. I am with you, Erin. I own the cattle on a thousand hills. Do not be afraid, nor should you worry.”
Me: “Lord, I feel abandoned and the pain in my heart is almost unbearable. I thought we had plans together?”
Jesus: “I know this is difficult to understand but Jeff had plans contrary to yours or Mine. He had given himself over to other voices. You witnessed all the opposite of the fruits of the Spirit – the man you had known was no longer present – understand?
“He had left and what remained was not My will for your life. You are better alone with Me and My direction than to fall under troubles from the enemy. I told you when you would go back to Bend it would be from a position of strength and this is true because I go before you in all you do! I have you.
“Already you have been strengthened by Me and this will not stop. I have a great plan in place, Erin. You will no longer be isolated from others. You will reunite with family and friends. I am with you and great will be your joy.”
Me: “Lord, please help me remember everything I need to do.”
Jesus: “I will, Erin. I have sent people to help with all the details and they will be kind, do not worry. This week, count the cost of what remains – decide what is important, then leave the rest behind. All things can be replaced and it is no longer important to you to remain tied to it. I will bless and multiply what remains back to you so you need not worry any longer. You choose what is important. I am with you in your tasks.
“Finish your tasks with a new focus. You will be moving shortly, do not worry. I will provide all you need for your journey – do not worry, take courage. I am with you!”
Dream over…
Previous Dream: http://sparrowcloud9.com/heaven-dreams-interpretations/the-tribulation/excerpt-from-dreams-questions-answered/full-dreams/dream-916/
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