Dream 419 – Erin cries out to Jesus for Mercy
Received on Friday, July 3, 2020
Communion
Dear Father,
I am panicking today! Please help. I woke up with severe grieving in my heart. I am mourning something that I don’t understand. Something triggered this. I smelled Bend OR and could even feel it. I missed it so much that it almost seemed illogical. I was grieving and mourning a loss…a painful one. Oh Father, please, please help me. What if I am here and I am like I am now forever? What if I am stuck in this situation forever?
I am not at peace today. I am panicking. I have been preparing for living for years, yet another season is passing us by again. I am trying to be happy, but I am afraid. I have fear. I need help to be content with our status. Right now, this is our reality unless You grant us the miracles You have promised us! I won’t golf again. I am overweight. I am depressed at times and often in great pain. I am overwhelmed.
I have fully accepted that I am trapped and can do nothing on my own without You. All these things around me were a distraction to keep me busy while I personally was and am dying inside. What about our children? What if I have kept all of them waiting, waiting, waiting for Your big miracles to come. Father, You gave me promises, promises I have clung to with hope for all of these years.
I am in a jumbled phase of different stages of grief…all being here at once. I rotate back and forth and receive shocks to my system. I am great at crisis management… responding, calculating and adjusting quickly to damp down the severity of any crisis. I then remain set on future goals and dreams while waiting out the storm. I survey the aftermath with realization and tepid acceptance.
I have never truly moved out of ‘Emergency Mode’. My being prepares for the worst and it is unhealthy. I live in great pain physically and in my heart. Father, I have loved You always. I have kept my heart always on You even when I was getting annihilated. I was desecrated. So, so many people took advantage of me that I prayed and believed that You would vindicate me one day.
Right now, I am left with myself and the reality of who I am and what I have become. I am sick. I need Your help. I am in crisis. I am numb. I am lost. Please come find me. I am fasting right now, so I know that I am more emotional than I usually am. Please forgive me, Father. I love You so much.
Jesus: “Erin, come up.”
Jesus was right there in front of me. He reached out to hug me. I cried as I wrote.
Jesus: “I am here. I am here. I have always been with you. I know that you are tired and weary. You are scared. I am here. I am with you. What can I do for you, Erin? What will make you smile and laugh?”
Me: “Lord, the contract with Your promises for us! These were to be on Earth as they are in Heaven. What if I have given our children hope where there really is no hope? What if You are a figment of my imagination?”
Jesus: “I am not, Erin. I am really here with you.”
Me: “Lord, time is counting off…minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. Lord, it has been 10.5 years since I left Bend OR. I remember the Cloud 9 House up until the 11th month of 2004. I was then hit with what my ex-husband did to me. Even though this was horrible, at least me and my children were free and had so much joy. There was so much promise.
“I remember the spring. It was warm and beautiful outside. I felt safe. However, this was short lived. A flood of trouble soon came. There were so many strikes against us. I kept thinking…this is okay…the Lord will vindicate us…He will give us back so much more for all of this. I could not accept it. I couldn’t accept that You kept allowing troubles…more and more and more.
“I felt like the mother on the bottom floor of the Titanic…singing her children to sleep as the boat sank. That was me. It became even more humiliating as I was stripped of more and more and more. I kept certain things in hopes of a better life someday. Then even these were sold or taken.
“Then the lawsuits kept coming, along with more and more and more troubles. Until all of this, I thought for sure these things were only going to be temporary. I kept thinking…surely, I will get through this…surely, everything will be okay. Well, here we are again and I can see familiar patterns emerging. The grief all came back today. Lord, the floodgates came today.”
Jesus: “I know that this has not been easy for you. I know that your heart breaks. I know all about your dreams of something better. Erin, your dreams are reasonable.”
Me: “Lord, it is painful to keep coming to You. While I love being with You, our circumstances still don’t seem to change. Every day is like Groundhog Day. I am tired and so sad. My dreams are difficult while I am asleep. My days are then difficult as well. Oh Lord, I love You so much even during the hoping and the waiting. I don’t have years here. Our lives are shorter now than our forefathers.
“I spent my entire life in trials and troubles. I have shared these with others. I have prayed for miracles and You have answered some of them. Now how am I to plan? Well, I have no plan. However, Lord, I know that You have a plan. Lord, my children have had so many disappointments. People are not nice to them. Other than the Nest, it seems as if no one truly cares about us or our children. Same thing with my husband’s children. As for me, I just don’t know what to do any more, Lord.”
Jesus: “I have a plan, Erin. My Word is good and therefore My Contract with you is good. I realize that life has not gone as you had expected it would. You still continue going even when you are discouraged. My Words are true, Erin.”
Me: “Okay, Lord, but when then? When will You finally fulfill Your promises to us?”
Jesus: “Erin, I have protected you from the will of others concerning you and your children. I have used you as My Vessel. Your Vessel has been used for My purposes for all of these years and…yes, Erin…so have your children’s Vessels. However, as you have cast off your own ambitions and surrendered your heart and life to Me, then I, the Creator of Good Gifts, will grant good things as recompense for your troubles. While your treasures are stored up here, I will also bring you My recompense there on Earth.”
Me: “Lord, I am sorry to complain. I just don’t see You opening any doors. Grant us freedom…or at least some more of it. Lord, You can declare this in an instant. Give me some hope here. If You are not willing to heal me or my household…if You are not willing to heal our friends on the Nest…then what else?
“You called me to be honest and I know You can take my very breath. You have the power to do all things. Please, please help us. You wanted me to be honest. Have I not proven that I love You? Have I not tried to do what is right in Your eyes? I know I fall short. Please have mercy on me. Please!”
Jesus: “Oh Erin, I see no peace in your eyes right now.”
Me: I quickly panicked. “Oh no, please…”
Jesus: Smiling. “No, Erin, I meant that I see you that you are feeling restless in your heart. Do not worry…it was not Me foretelling that you would no longer have peace.”
Me: Laughing. “Oh good! Thank You!”
Jesus: Looking more serious. “Erin, do you really think this of Me?”
Me: “I don’t, Lord. I am sorry, but I panicked. You are wonderful. I just think that I am losing my mind at times.”
Jesus: “With Me here in Heaven, you have peace. However, on Earth, there is no peace. It is I Who brought you where you are to keep you apart and safe until I call you for My purposes. Erin, I do have something wonderful for you. You will never doubt again. Although you do not see it, I want to be clear with you so you do not doubt this. I moved mountains in a difficult system to place you there with your husband.
“You were also sent to be a pillar for him and his children. You have been a blessing, Erin, not a curse. Both of you will one day see what was planned for your husband and his children before I sent you. It was not good. In a similar manner, you have been safely preserved by moving to where your husband is, a place where the enemy could not snare you or your children.
“I realize you have many questions and I repeat the same truth in answers. You and your family, your house, your children and animals…all of this will not be harmed. Many, many will fall into troubles, but you will escape them all. Right now, you are like a flower at the bud stage.
“However, it seems to you as if you will remain like this forever. However, then, one morning, in comes the rays of light from the sun and that flower will open and its beauty, your beauty, will be in full glory, understand? Erin, yes, I can do anything. With Me, nothing is impossible. If there was not an even greater plan in place…
- I could heal you using doctors
- I could let you golf into your aging years
- I could let you experience things common to men
“However, I have instead done something you would not believe even if you were told. This is far greater than your journals and these dreams. Yes, and even more, Heaven watches you and cheers. Children, parents, brothers, sisters and generations pray that My Word and the hope of Heaven would settle into the hearts of their loved ones on Earth. Now, though, they also cheer for your husband and your children.
“They intercede in the Courts of Heaven. In addition, though I will do immeasurable more there on Earth, all will know you are Mine. So, Erin, even though I could quickly act like a genie in a bottle and grant you this or that, I am instead doing something with you and through you that has never been seen before and will never be seen again.
“Remember, even the angels ask of you. So, please take heart and hold fast. Things are about to change. You will stand amazed. Now, shall you trust Me to fulfill My promises to you? Shall you trust Me as Lord over you, the One Who has determined your path…or would you choose another?”
Me: Crying. “I choose You, Lord! I definitely choose You!”
Jesus: Smiling. “Alright then…let’s have a joyful day. I have something wonderful to start all of this off with. Come!”
He reached for my hand.
Dream over…
Previous Dream: http://sparrowcloud9.com/heaven-dreams-interpretations/the-tribulation/excerpt-from-dreams-questions-answered/full-dreams/dream-418/
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