Dream 380 – Jesus and Time to Forgive Yourself
Received Sunday, January 19, 2020
Thank You for another day here! Thank You for keeping our electricity on during this massive blizzard today. I went out briefly this morning to put some seeds and nuts out for the jays, squirrels, doves and crows and the snow was already up to my knees. It has not stopped and that was four hours ago. I placed a secret small tray of nuts by our front door for the tiny red squirrels. I do this as they usually get bullied by the grey squirrels.
Father, I had a dream last night. I was trying to get back to the place I love. How can someone miss a place so much? The smells, the drives, the hikes and the weather were almost always perfect for me there. However, this was also the place where my heart was broken and where You repaired me. When I woke up from this dream, I felt sad and empty. While I like where we are, I truly love the northwest so much.
Father, for my birthday, please heal my family and Nest friends. Father, I just feel broken. Even Job experienced recompense. I want this even though I know that I don’t ‘deserve’ anything. I only want to work for You, Lord, as it is You Who created me. You are my Father. You are everything to me. Father, a life serving You is a difficult one. I have no one to talk to locally other than my immediate family.
There is no one near us like us. Our Nest friends are scattered all over the world. This is all by Your design. This is all for Your purposes. While I don’t understand everything, I just know that I place my trust in You. Please do something special for us on my birthday. Please! Could You please make it the greatest Gift for all of us?
Jesus: “Erin, come up.”
I was on the forestry path. The beautiful pond with the fountain was there to my right. There were swans and ducks. It was a beautiful pond. I began to cry as I sat down under the weeping willow tree. Two little rabbits came over to me so I could pet them.
Me: “Oh Father, this is such a beautiful place. Thank You.”
Just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and it was Jesus with a big smile. He sat next to me and hugged me.
Jesus: “Erin, I know that you are troubled. I know that many events have been a shock to your faith and to your household. I know that you often ask why and then you question your ability to understand everything. I sent you to your husband. I built this house for you. I removed you from trouble, but then took you back into differing degrees of trouble. I understand that you are scared and your dreams reveal this. Now, why would I do this?”
Me: “I am not sure. Lord, You claim to love me and You show me that You do in so many ways, yet You still don’t heal us. You are capable. You put limbs back to work and even those who are blind now see. I want my family and friends to all be healed. I am going to try to ask for this on all of their behalf. You are my Best Friend. Lord, You are the greatest Miracle Worker of all time. Please heal my house and my Nest friends. Please show us how to do this. Please show us what to do. Please help us.”
Jesus: “Erin, all of My promises are true. I have not forgotten you or your friends. All things will change very soon for My Glory. For you and your friends, this will be for good, Erin, not evil. I did not bring you here to hold you captive and destroy your life. You sometimes live in fear. As a result, it has become difficult for you to come to Me at times. This is also because you are tired of asking for My promises for you, your family and your friends.”
Me: Crying. “I feel frozen and unable to do anything. I am in chains. I cannot forgive myself. I am unable to heal my children. However, and even more than this, Lord, I have never felt good enough, deserving of anything, worthy of pursuing or anything else.”
Jesus: “I know. You are also one of the ones who needs healing.”
Me: “Yes, Lord, but this no longer matters to me. I have adjusted to what I am and what I am not nor can ever be here. While I had hopes and dreams, perhaps these are not meant to be for me here. However, if You could restore my family and Nest friends to better than they are currently on Earth, ideally even as they are in Heaven, Lord, I will do whatever You ask. I will do this as best as I can even though I will not be able to do much in my current condition.”
Jesus: “Oh Erin, you will be healed too, along with your household and friends. I love you and I delight in you. I have heard your cries in silence and I know the deep longings of your heart. However, I am now asking you for one thing…”
Me: “What, Lord? To follow You all of the days of my life? To give away all of my earthly possessions? What, Lord? Anything. Just ask. I will do anything You ask of me.”
Jesus: “I created you and I love the work I have created. I love the vessel that I have made. Your life has been a grand testament of love; My love for you, your heart turning to love Me and your sharing of all of these troubles with the world. The divine love story for My Bride is written on the tablet of your heart. Even though your heart has been broken, I have restored it. However, you still will not forgive yourself. You will not forgive yourself for your mistakes. You still hold yourself in chains. I am here with you today to set you free from this. Do you want to be free?”
Me: “Oh yes, Lord, so much, but…”
Jesus: “Hmm, I thought I would hear that word. This is a conditional clause…”
Me: “Lord, I need to be set free. However, I ask for the voices of those who have cursed me, scarred into my memory, keeping me shackled by their words, to be erased and for You to grant me the ability to not give these any volume. I overheard a lot of things said about me when I was little and it hurt my heart. I heard horrible things said of me.
“These kept me from feeling I was capable or deserving of good things or blessings from You, Lord. These voices came from my family, those closest to me, and even my friends. I grew up with being gauged and measured for my failures and successes. I will now finally forgive myself. I am sorry that I questioned Your craftsmanship, Lord. I am sorry I questioned Your plans. I am sorry…”
Jesus looked into my eyes and then gently hugged me.
Jesus: “Oh Erin, all things done or said of you shaped you and made it so you are here with Me today. I know you did not accomplish what the world expected. You instead accomplished something so unique, so rare and so beautiful. Do you know what that is?”
Me: “You, Lord?”
Jesus: “Well, thank you, but this is not what I am referring to. It is that you have continually pressed into Me and the Kingdom of God. You realized your low position, but you still made your case. You quoted Scripture. You gave historical accounts. You said ‘why not me?’ Well, My Father has found your case compelling. He chose you before you were even born. While the journey was long and difficult, I was with you through it all. I never left you.
“Erin, your life is not your own. You sought Me with your whole heart and there you were found by Me. You never stopped. You believed. When your heart raced and even stopped, you still believed and never fell out of love with Me. While you may have been upset at Me quite a few times, you still remained with Me. You lost yourself. You lost your ambitions and your pride. You lost your material wealth. You lost your worldly status. Erin, you did all of this for Me.”
Me: “It is hard to believe that I did all of that.”
Jesus: “Well, you did and I witnessed it. I was there. Release yourself now, Erin. When I come for My Bride, I do not want to find you chained to the door with only you having the key. I do not want to find any of My Bride like this. Who can then loosen you but you? Erin, it is time to forgive yourself.”
Me: “Yes, Lord, I want to be free. Please take the keys. I think there are multiple chains and locks. I want to be free. I want to know that I am good enough. I am a child of God. I was created by the Potter’s Hands.”
Jesus: “Your name is written on the palm of My hand. Erin, I declare you free this day.”
I suddenly felt lighter as I was writing this down.
Me: “What comes next, Lord?”
Jesus: “Well, anything is possible.” He smiled and laughed.
Me: “Lord, do you mean that, this whole time, I could have…”
He gently stopped me. I looked into His eyes and felt such comfort.
Jesus: “Please stop, Erin. You were about to condemn yourself with your lips.”
Me: “Yes, I was.” Now laughing. “Do You mean for eternity?” I was just kidding.
Jesus: Laughing. “No, Erin, not for eternity. Now, the enemy does not want God’s children roaming around free from chains, loosened by Heaven. Erin, you will be like the sons of Jacob and the enemy will be unable to hold you down. Now, Erin, rejoice! I love you. I delight in you. I did a great work in you.”
Me: “Thank You, Lord. You are my Treasure. You are my Priceless Pearl. My heart is filled with love for You.”
Jesus: “Come, we have much to do. Are you ready for what I will do next?”
Me: “Could I have some hints as to what this will all be like?”
Jesus: “Yes, Erin. I am going to…”
He then paused, smiled at me and gestured for me to finish the sentence with Him. I knew just what to say. We spoke the words out together in perfect unity.
Jesus & Erin at the same time: “…do something in your days you would not believe even if you were told.”
Me: Hugging Him. “Oh Lord, thank You for cheering me up!”
Jesus: “You are loved, Erin. My promises are true.” He smiled.
Final note: I felt strongly that we need to forgive ourselves now. Do not wait. Do not hold yourself hostage any longer. This is the enemy’s desire, not God’s. If you believe that you have done something so bad that it can’t be released, you must let go of this. The enemy wants you to believe that what you did was unforgivable. Whatever it is that you can’t forgive yourself on, please change your mindset now. It is time to be set free.
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