Dream 266 – Jesus and The Race Continues

Finished on Monday, November 20, 2017

Received on Monday, October 30, 2017

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for another day! I love You!  Thank You for my family, friends and our beautiful home.  Father, there is an epic convergence of two storms that have collided and hit our area.  Please keep our power on.

My heart is very heavy today. I read an old letter from the 1800s or 1900s.  It was from a very distant family member on my grandmother’s side.  This letter outlined how this man had lost two wives, his little children, his mother, brothers and father.

He later injured himself so severely that he was required to give up his infant daughter for adoption. He was unable to care for her after the accident and after the death of his wife during her birth.

Despite all of this, he had remained steadfast and maintained his faith even in the midst of this great, great hardship. He had worked so hard only to have so very little after all this had occurred.  In comparison, and as I look around me, I am immensely blessed.

Oh Father, I never want to take anything You have given to us for granted. Death seemed to come so much earlier back then.  When a person became sick, they more than often would die shortly thereafter.  We have it so easy now in comparison.

All of this made me remember my grandmother’s life again. It was not an easy one.  From the bits and pieces of what I could gather about her, I realize that life was simpler back then, but so much tougher and incredibly uncomfortable.

Father, I am sorry for being such a whiner and complainer. While we have struggled, at least we are all here together.  I am sorry that, when I am feeling ill and my injuries are causing me pain, I complain about my discomfort.

You never once promised me that I would have a comfortable life on my journey with You. In reality, it has been a journey filled with bouts of pounding refinement.  However, what You did promise me was Your comforting embrace.  This You have given to me over and over, so thank You!

When I look back at the homes we lived in, they were all so very tiny. One home was only about 540 square feet and another home was not much bigger at 800 square feet.  My grandparents had also lived in meager surroundings.

My grandparents were extremely frugal as they had lived through the Great Depression of the 1930s. I can still remember how ‘pennywise’ my grandfather was.  Our ‘made-in-China’ world just seems so easy in comparison despite the danger in relying on this source for so much of our daily needs.

I pray that, one day, I will be able to do all that You have promised that I would do. I pray that I will bring honor to my family, especially all of those who have struggled.

What would You have me do now, Father? I want so much to serve You.  I love You so much!  Father, I need help with a dream I had recently…

Before outlining this dream, it is important to note in advance that I have never had a baby stolen from me.  I should also note that I was not given any details in this dream by the Lord as to how I had been separated from the baby or how she had been abducted.  This was ‘only a dream’ and, thankfully, one that I woke up from.

Dream 1 description begins…

I was living near a young couple that had just moved into the neighborhood. Not long after they had moved in, I saw them walking their two year old toddler in a stroller.  I soon became somewhat fond of their little girl due to her age.  This was due to having my baby stolen from me at about the same time as she would have been born.

Though only from a distance, seeing this little girl made me remember that horrible day. My new born little girl was only about two months old when I had taken her to a church event…a river baptism.  She was abducted there and the police never found out who had taken my baby.  I eventually gave up hoping that I would ever find her again.

As I was walking by this young couple’s home one day, the little girl was playing in their yard. When she saw me, she looked delighted and started to run towards me.  However, just before she reached me, her mom scooped her up and took her back into their house.  We had never formally met, so I assumed her mom was being cautious.

Me: Calling out to the mom as she walked away.  “Please don’t do that just because of me.  I just live a few doors down from here.  By the way, your little daughter is adorable.”

Woman: Calling back to me.  “Yes, she is…thanks.”

As she walked towards her house, her daughter faced towards me. She smiled at me and threw out her arms towards me.  While I then smiled and waved back, I somehow knew that she had wanted me to hug her.

After this happened, I decided that I would stop by their house the next day and bring them some clothes, as well as some toys that were still in their boxes. The clothes were in fantastic shape and were ‘almost brand new’.  I just knew that they would love these items.  I felt called by God to bring these items to the woman and her little daughter.

I knocked on the door, but no one answered. I found this quite odd as I could see the little girl moving around the living room all by herself.  As the front door was slightly ajar, I was able to call inside without ‘intruding’.

Me: Loudly.  “Hello there!  Hello!  Is there anyone home?”

The little girl must have recognized my voice from the day before as she immediately ran over and opened the door. Once we could see each other, she hopped up and down with open arms so that I would pick her up.  While I was nervous about doing so, I felt the Lord prompt me to pick her up.

Little girl: “Mama!”

Me: “Yes, I am looking for your mama.  Where is your mommy?”

Little girl: “Mama!  Mama!”

Me: “No, I am not your mama.”

As this was the first time I had been able to get a really close look at her, I was stunned to see that she had quite a few similar physical features to what I had. However, I quickly dismissed the possibility of us having any resemblance and simply attributed it to wishful thinking on my part.

As I started to think some more on how these thoughts may have resulted from the loss of my daughter from a couple of years ago, the little girl’s mother suddenly appeared and rushed towards us from around the corner. To say the least, she did not look happy to see me or her daughter in my arms.

Woman: “Excuse me, but what are you doing in my house holding my baby?”

While I felt ‘guilty’ at first, I suddenly felt the Lord strengthen me to speak.

Me: “Look, I only came by in order to bring some gifts for you and your daughter.  When I knocked on the door, I could see your little girl wandering around the living room all by herself.  You had even left your front door ajar.  Do you realize that leaving a two year old alone unsupervised is considered to be abandonment?  Where were you?”

The woman’s anger suddenly turned into panic.

Woman: “I am sorry.  You are right.  It was a mistake and will not happen again.  I was called into work for an urgent matter.  While I was gone, she must have gotten out of her crib.  It was just such a shock for me to come home and see someone holding my baby in my living room.  I am sorry that I got so upset with you.”

Me: “Look, she is almost 30 months old now and strong.  How could you possibly think that a toddler at this age would stay in her crib all day and all by herself?  Now, I am willing to watch her for you when you have to leave the house.  I will even do this for you for free.  There will be no charge for any time I spend with her while you are out.”

Woman: “No, no, no!  I am fine.  We are fine.”

Me: “Alright, but you do understand that this can never happen again, right?”

She nodded her head in agreement as she took her daughter back from me to put her back into her crib. After tucking her in, she came back to ‘say goodbye’ to me.

Me: “Well, here is the box of gifts that I had brought for you.  This box contains some barely used clothing, as well as some brand new toys.”

Before I was able to leave, the baby must have quickly gotten out of her crib as she was now back and hugging my leg. When the mom went to take her daughter back from me again, she would not let go this time.

Little girl: “Mama!  Mama!  No, no, no, no!  Mama!”

I reached over to the box I had brought and opened it. I then pulled out a little fluffy white lamb with a pink bow and handed it to her.  She took the stuffed lamb from me and started to laugh as she hugged it.  As she wanted to hug me just before I left, I bent over and gave her a quick hug.

As I left the woman’s house, I noticed that she had quite a concerned look on her face. As I walked home, I became quite upset about all that had just happened.  Soon after I got back home, my husband arrived back from his work.  Before I could tell him about the odd experience I just had, he told me about an invitation for our family.

Husband: “Our family has been invited to one of our new associate’s home for dinner tonight.  Don’t worry…”  He smiled knowingly.  “…I brought home some flowers to give to them as a gift.”

Me: I smiled back.  “Perfect…thanks.  Please tell everyone to get ready while I go and get ready myself.  Oh yes…how far a drive is it to your associate’s home?”

Husband: “No drive is required!  They live just down the street from us.  I just found out earlier today that they had moved into our neighborhood.  He has a young family.”

Once we were all ready, we left our house to walk over to their house for dinner. To my surprise, it turned out to be the home of the woman and her daughter.  Needless to say, she looked quite surprised to see me standing at her doorway again.  I could tell that she was forcing herself to smile as she greeted us.

Woman: “Hello.  Welcome.”

Me: “Well, hello again!  Where is that adorable daughter of yours?”

Woman: “She has already been put her into her crib for the night.”

After we visited for a short while, dinner was served and was progressing rather uneventfully. However, just as dinner was starting to wrap up, we heard a noise from her daughter’s room.  Next thing you know, her daughter entered the dining room and came straight over to where I was sitting.  She put her arms up for me to pick her up.

Little girl: “Mama!  Mama!”

When I picked her up, I looked over at the young couple in puzzlement. I then had a flashback of the park from a couple of years ago.  I suddenly remembered that this couple had attended the church event.  I started to question my suspicions again when I suddenly felt a strong confirmation from the Lord that I was correct.

Me: “What hospital was your baby born in?  I need to see her birth certificate immediately!”

Instead of replying to my requests, they became upset and quickly yelled for us to leave their house. I was about to turn and confront them again when my husband whispered in my ear…

Husband: “This is not the time.  We will phone the police as soon as we get home.”

After we arrived home, we immediately called the authorities. After a short investigation, they discovered that this couple had indeed stolen our baby daughter at the church event.  Our daughter was soon returned to us and I felt so much joy that I can’t even describe it.  She looked so happy as I held onto her.  I never wanted to let her go…

Dream 1 description over…

Received on Thursday, November 2, 2017

Communion

Dear Father,

I am struggling, worried and in pain! Please help!

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

Jesus was right in front of me immediately. He was smiling and had such sympathetic eyes for me.

Jesus: “I am glad you came, Erin.”

Me: I was looking down.  “I am sorry, Lord, but I have been grieving.  I love You and I love God the Father, but I am just becoming so distraught and exhausted.  I do not know what is to happen next.”

Jesus: “You worry about many things.  You are on the brink and believe that you will fall over.  Do not worry, Erin, as I have you.  I told you to have fun.  Delight in each other and enjoy this time.

“Why would I purposely deceive you? You and your family live in the light of eternal things.  Now, you are at a crossroads.  It is important for you to understand how the enemy operates.

“They…he and his workers…thrive on deception and take joy in your slavery. However, please understand that My Father is on the Throne and controls all of it.  I have heard your cries and I will release you.  While it is already done, you just do not understand the words that I am saying.

“Please find joy. Continue to press into Me and depend on Me.  Just remember that ‘no’ means ‘no’, ‘yes’ means ‘yes’, ‘wait’ means ‘wait’ and ‘move now’ means ‘move now’.  Remember that ‘no answer’ also means ‘no’.  Rest in Me, Erin.  Rejoice!

“Oh yes…when I warn you of trouble, ask Me and then take care of this. Do not delay, do not go to bed angry and do not put off ‘doing good’.  I promise that I will do the same, okay?”  He laughed and smiled.

Received on Sunday, November 5, 2017

Communion

Dear Father,

I need Your help. I am struggling.  I am sick and my heart is pounding out of my chest.  I am in grief and at a loss over all that has happened over the last couple of weeks.  Father, I feel forsaken.  It would be an easy thing for You to help us because You are My Father and You are over all things.  Please grant us help.  I am overwhelmed.  Please, Lord, please!

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

Jesus was right in front of me immediately. I was crying as He hugged me.  I rested my head against His chest.  He held my head.

Me: “Lord, Lord, please, I am struggling with these punishing blows.  Our family is hurting.”

Jesus: “I know.  It is darkest right before the dawn.  However, I am in you and My streams are in you.  You make Me glad, Erin.  You will not fall.  I will help you at the break of day.”

I began to cry even harder.

Jesus: “I know that it is difficult to wait on the living God.”

Me: “You call me ‘friend’, Lord, but it is becoming even worse for me.  I thought that You would take care of us.”

Jesus: “I have and I will take care of you.  I have not left you.  You are expecting to be done with trouble, yet your trouble instead multiplies and your enemies continue.  Your heart is overloaded and burdened.  You are heavy and the cross is difficult to carry.  Erin, let Me carry you.  I have done this.  Will I let you fall?”

Me: “I do not know, Lord.  If it benefits to Your glory, then yes.  However, please don’t!  My blood pressure is extremely high.  My pain in my body is becoming too great.  I feel I am shutting down.  I am scared.  I want so much to be healed and live.  I want so much to see my children be healed.  Forgive me, Lord, for all that I have done wrong.”

Jesus: “You must know that I love you and that I do not intend to keep you suffering.  When all is changed, you will then understand what I did from the beginning to the end and you will be in awe.  Your pain in your heart is great.  Your grief is even greater.

“I know each tear and every irregular ‘miss beat’ of your heart. I have not set you up for a fall here.  I love you and I have great plans for you, plans to use you and give you hope for a future.

“Now, do not hide from Me. I will do all that I have promised.  I have not left you.  I will bless you, Erin.  Now, rejoice in Me today.  Delight yourself in all that you have.  I am closing doors and gently removing that which seemed comfortable.  Do you remember about a mother eagle and her nest?  How does she ready her eaglets to fly?”

Me: “She makes the nest more and more uncomfortable each day so that they will want to leave the nest.  They eventually fall, but the mother saves them.  This continues until they are able to fly on their own.”

Jesus: “Yes, but there is this…in Your case, it is Me that is there to catch you.  However, I will eventually take you on the wings of a great eagle and you will fly.  While many will then delight in what I have done with you, many others will be terrified.”

“Now, uncertainty comes before a big change occurs. You know this.  As one door shuts abruptly, another opens.  Do not be afraid or look back.  Now, rejoice, as I have you.  When you press into Me, I return what is lost.

“The enemy is working overtime right now.   I tell all of you…do not worry or sin will follow discouragement.  Be hopeful instead as I love you and you are Mine.  I am about to bless in abundance those I have called and love Me.”  He smiled.

Me: “Thank You, Lord.”

Jesus: “You are welcome.  I am about to bless all of you.  Now, rejoice!”

He hugged me.

Received on Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Communion

Dear Father,

Help! Help!  Help!  We are faced with so many overwhelming attacks that I can barely take it.  I don’t know what to do.  We need help!!!

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

Jesus was right in front of me and was looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

Me: “Father, we have discovered even more deception in an institution we have to deal with frequently.  Lord, why would You allow this?”

Jesus: “Your dealing with this institution is serving a greater purpose than you think.  As for your suspicions, they are quite accurate.  These are little foxes.  Now, Erin, what do little foxes do?”

Me: “I know that they are cunning.”

Jesus: “The institution you are dealing with is like Herod.  Your main enemy is also like Herod.  They enjoy their luxuries.  They live in holes.  While they can be likeable, make no mistake, they work on a platform of deception.  This time, the past time and your current time, you are in the season of foxes.  Now, what are foxes known to eat?”

Me: “Well, they are thieves and predators.”

Jesus: “Yes, Erin, but there is more…If you are a vineyard keeper, and you are to Me, you are about to bring in the harvest of the sweetest wine.  It is a difficult crop to bring into harvest.  Conditions need to be ideal and the picking is done very quickly.  Foxes live in or near vineyards.  Erin, if I am the Vine and you are My Branches which produce fruit, what gets in the way of this?”

Me: “Foxes, along with anything else, that steals fruit.”

Jesus: “Foxes constantly attempt to enter your vineyard.  These are the opposite of the good fruits a branch bears…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Erin, protect your crops.  It is common to even allow the foxes to take some fruit when you are tired, especially because they seem harmless.  Now, let’s discuss Ice Wine.  How is this harvested?”

Me: “All at once and very quickly.  These grapes endure the harshest of conditions.”

Jesus: “Yes, but only if they even make it this far…”

Me: “Lord, we are at Your mercy as the foxes are everywhere.  What do we do?  All we have is in You, Lord.  What next?”

Jesus: “I am streamlining your burdens before your delivery.  This is the process of examining where you currently are.  A Farmer or, better yet, a Vineyard Owner, accesses His Crop and knows instinctively when the grapes are ripe.

“The owner travels down rows daily and prunes any last branches that need to be sacrificed for a better overall yield of harvest. Some fruit can become acidic and cause trouble for the other fruits.

“Just know that I am not toying with any of you, Erin. I love you and I will not let you languish.  I will not let you.”

Me: “Yes, Lord, but so many of us need answers to our prayers and soon!”

Jesus: He became firm and serious.  “I AM Who I say I AM.  I am with all of you, but I do not bend to the will of anyone but My Father.  I do have mercy and send rain in your drought.  Do you not see what I have done here from the beginning?  Erin, discouragement can lead to sin.  Do not eat this fruit.  Do not be discouraged here.  Getting your vineyard in order is wise.  This removes worry.”

Me: “I love You, Lord.  You have blessed all of us.  While I often feel like we have even been spoiled, I also sometimes feel it is ‘just an illusion’ until You truly deliver us from our slavery once and for all.  For now, we continue to be slaves to this world even though You own all of this.”

Jesus: He smiled and ‘lightened up’.  He knew I was afraid that I had ‘overstepped’.  “Beautiful are the feet which bring Good News.  I have already given you this blessing.  I have declared release from your shackles.  Do not worry as it comes, understand?”

Me: Crying.  “Yes, Lord.  I am trying not to doubt.  Could You please have mercy on me as I am running on very low fuel right now?”

Jesus: “While this is understandable, just know that the ‘situations’ you are in will be corrected quickly.  Do not worry.”  He hugged me. “I have you.  I will not let one of you fall…not you, not your husband and not your children.”

Received on Sunday, November 12, 2017

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for another day. You said to me last week that ‘discouragement can lead to sin and often does’.  Well, I have been extremely discouraged lately.  I am sorry, Father, please forgive me for being so discouraged.

While I can hear Your voice say to me and in me, ‘Do not worry, Erin, I have this’, I still worry. Even though I know that You ‘have this’, I am still so overwhelmed.  I feel as if I am in a frozen state as my health is poor and my pain is great.  On some days, I can barely do the basics here in my home for my family.

Thank You for still continuing to bless me despite my sorrow. Thank You for greeting me with a sympathetic smile and a warm embrace each time we meet.  Thank You for helping me realize that, even though I do not deserve Your love, You still love me no matter what.

As we are right now, I know that we only see through ‘dimly lit lenses’ and that we can only see that which You reveal. When I am down and discouraged, I know that I see even less clearly, but, in reality, I don’t even put ‘my glasses’ on at all.  While we have pursued You, as have my children, we seem to now be falling into deep despair.

If this was ‘just me’, I would be content with simply living out my days here in the ‘land of the trees’ and continuing on my course far away from my enemies. However, Father, I have children, children that are really young adults now, who are making plans and being led by a distant evil voice that is calling them into a world far removed from me.

Oh Father, my two sons will have such a difficult life socially because of their autism. Even so, they hold onto Your promises of healing tightly, as do I.  However, my despair and hopelessness increases each day now because I can do nothing to comfort them.

I would feel such relief if I was at least able to promise them a date for when ‘normal’ will finally come, but I cannot. While all of our hopes remain in You and You alone, I am sad when they are sad.

In just a few months, all three of our sons will want to move on and enter ‘the world’ if You do not do something soon. The uncertainty is difficult on us as both my husband and I have come to fully realize that Your timing simply cannot be measured or understood.  As such, we will simply continue to go forward as per Your Will as best we can.

I really need to see the promises You have given us come to fruition soon. My dwindling health has resulted in so much discouragement that I am having a hard time fighting against it.  Father, I would even be willing to forfeit Your promises for me if it would mean that those around me would soon receive Your promises for them in return.

Father, please do not allow us to come this far only to not let us see You deliver Your promises. Our entire household is set on You.  The Nest’s hearts and hopes are set on You.  My oldest son has even finished reading almost the entire Bible now even though he just started reading Your Word a month ago.  Please, Father, please help all of us soon.

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

Jesus was right in front of me and was looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

Jesus: “I have this, Erin.  I have your sons.  I know each of them.  Please do not hold onto them so tightly that I cannot work.  Release your children to Me and trust Me with them.  I am their Good Physician and their Savior and I love them.  I know each of them and have entrusted you to care for My sons.  Release them to Me, Erin.  All will be okay and I will not harm them.  Come on, Erin, please release all three to Me right now.”

Me: “Yes, Father.  Yes, Lord.  Please forgive me.”

Jesus: “Do not worry, Erin, I forgive you.  I call you ‘My friend’, Erin, and I love you.  I promised you that I will do what I say.  While I will do all of this, Erin, you must let go of them now.  I have you.  Please trust Me.”

Me: “Yes, Lord.”

Jesus: “You are discouraged right now as so much has converged upon you and all with staggering weight.  You cannot carry this, so give this to Me.  Although the enemy convinces you at times that I am not caring about your troubles, I always care.  Give each of your burdens to Me.  I will do you no harm nor will I allow you to be destroyed.

“While I am often difficult to understand, just know that I have not called you Home and that it is I that has promised your healing. Now, when has the enemy truly harmed you since moving to the ‘land of the trees’?  Instead, there have only been threats from the enemy.

“The enemy howls at you from a distant shore. You occasionally bend your ears to his calls, especially when you are weak, tired and immobile.  He then attacks your vulnerabilities and preys on your weaknesses.  His noise can then block My still small voice in you.

“Now, Erin, tell your children the following: ‘Even youths have sleepless nights.  The enemy is there to entice and confuse you.  The enemy seeks to confound that which is ‘good’, especially now that I am in the midst of you.’”

Me: “Lord, since You are so much stronger than us, will You please rise up?  Will You please lead the counter attack, Lord?  Oh Father, please!”

Jesus: “Let Me, Erin, as I am ready.  Are you?”

Me: “Yes, Lord.  However, can You please rise up soon?  Can You soon lift up our weary heads?  Can You soon give us a miracle, a spark or a great sign of Your presence?  Can You give all of us this soon?  Please, Lord, as we love You so much.”

Received on Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for another day! Thank You for loving me.  Thank You for getting us a fair deal with one of the three institutions we are dealing with right now.  Thank You for removing this burden from us!

Father, we are at Your complete mercy. My blood pressure is extremely high and my pain level is great.  Really, we are all in need of Your mercies and miracles.  All I can do is cling to Your promises, Jesus.

All I can do is write down my dreams and give everything to You. Father, You are our best option as You are fair.  While You have entrusted a lot to me, I feel unworthy.  If I really am unworthy, how can I be trusted by You with even more?

The only thing that I truly know is that I love You with all of my heart and soul. Father, I give all that we have to You.  All of this is Yours as we are nothing without You.

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

Jesus was standing in front of me and reached for my hands. I was still in my disabled earthly state as I stood in front of Him.

Jesus: Smiling.  “So, Erin, why are you so distraught?”

Me: “While I know that You have assured me that I should feel this way, I still feel unworthy.  While I wish I could remain positive, my continuing pain is so discouraging.”

Jesus: “Well, Erin, has your worry added even a single day to your life?”

Me: “No, Lord, but all of this is just too much for me to bear.  I am not sure…”  I stopped.

Jesus: “Erin, please finish your sentence…”  He smiled tenderly at me.

Me: “I can’t speak it, Lord.  I stand before You as I am and the worst that I have ever been.  What can I say?  I have asked, begged, cried and pleaded for our children and my husband.  While so many people on the Nest are waiting for what You will do with me, there really is nothing yet that I can show them.”

Jesus: “Erin, reread what My Words are.  Remember that I look at things from a different viewpoint, not to harm you, but for your good.  I will soon restore all that the enemy has stolen from all of you and multiply it.  You are now downcast.  Why, Erin?  Rejoice instead for your burdensome stone was removed.  I forced the hands of the institution I had called to make things right.

“They had options, Erin, and some of these options were to stop dealing with you completely. I then reminded the company of the adverse effects of backing out of the contract based on the future.  They then thought it would be better to keep peace and come up with a workable solution.  This was not at their suggestion, but at Mine.

“You must also understand that you were used as an arrow in this circumstance…a sharp one. You will soon be a visible miracle.  Now, are you happy with the outcome?”

Me: “Yes, Lord, thank You!”

Jesus: “I know your worth to Me and you are highly valued and highly ‘appraised’.”  He laughed.  “All of this trouble is only temporary.  Now, I am glad that you both decided on a future plan in case I tarry.  As you know, I do not, but I have still asked for you to continue living.”

I wanted to speak, but looked down at my hands instead. I remained silent as tears streamed down my cheeks.

Me: “Oh Lord…”  I paused and then changed what I was going to say.  “…thank You for all that You do for us.”

Jesus: “Erin, I can read your thoughts.  You are hurt.”

Me: “Yes, Lord, I am as I feel passed over right now.  Could You please just forget about me and heal those around me instead?  I will gladly give up all You have planned for me if You would heal them in return, but especially my two sons.”

Jesus: “Oh Erin, it is a sad day when you no longer ask Me for healing.”

Me: “It just hurts too much to keep asking.  You know how much I love You and this makes me feel as if I have been rejected.  I am no longer sure that I will even be here on Earth to witness my healing.  I get so excited, but then…”

Jesus: “Do not worry, Erin, as you will live ‘healed’ here.  I know your pain.  I know that your rejection is discouraging.  I know your desires.  Now, can you hang onto Me and cling to My Rock a bit longer?”

Me: “Well, Lord, I really have no other options as You are my only hope.”

Jesus: “Then you are in a good place.  You are My witness.  When I fulfill My promises, you will then know what I have done from the beginning to the end.  For now, you are unable to see the forest from the trees.  One day, and very soon, you will dance before Me.  However, for now, do not worry.”

Received on Thursday, November 16, 2017

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for another day! Thank You for both answered prayer and unanswered prayer.  You are amazing!  You specifically protected us from a potentially very bad situation and in a very unorthodox way.  Thank You for protecting us from the schemes of the wicked.  You are My Father, Creator, Redeemer and Friend.

Since purchasing a couple of birdfeeders a few months back, I have been given a special gift from You. I have been enjoying feeding the birds and small animals You send daily.  It has been a source of laughter for me during a time when I do not have much joy.  As You know, Father, pain has a way of displacing joy.

An unusual pecking order was revealed to me earlier today. It all started with me watching the animals and birds fend against each other as they prepared for the soon return of winter.  As this ‘threat’ is looming ever closer, I noticed that they are no longer a ‘respecter’ of each other’s food.

I first watched as a little bird came around that looked similar to a nut hatch, but also somewhat like a miniature owl. It then proceeded to take some of the nuts and dried fruit from our feeder to hide them in the tree bark.

It was only then that I noticed that the woodpeckers were up in the trees observing what this little nut hatch was doing. After the nut hatch left, the woodpeckers would go over to their ‘hiding places’ and stole what they had stored.

What the woodpeckers didn’t realize was that there were also three squirrels watching what they were doing. After the woodpeckers left, the squirrels would go over to their ‘hiding places’ and stole what they had stored.  I then could not help but laugh when I then saw these three squirrels steal from each other at every chance.

Little did the squirrels know that a grouping of crows was watching them diligently from the trees. After the squirrels left, the crows swooped in and stole that which the squirrels had buried.  I knew that crows were clever, but this was downright diabolical.

At one point, I put some stale cheese bread out. I then watched as the Blue Jays, squirrels and crows jostled for this ‘special prize’.  However, everything came to a ‘screeching halt’ when a pair of foxes showed up and took most of it.  All of the birds and the squirrels quickly scattered as these two foxes ate all of the bread.

I then laughed with delight when I noticed that nothing seemed to stop the chickadees from stocking up. They chirped happily as they collected the tiny seeds that the others didn’t seem to want.  What the others thought was worthless was their treasure.

It seems like all of the above scenarios each represent our lives here on Earth in different ways. We toil.  We work hard.  We give.  We earn and save for future needs.  I believe that the Lord showed me this amazing cycle of life before my eyes as an orchestrated lesson for me.

Even though much of this seemed so cruel and heartless, each animal and each bird somehow still seemed to be fed their proper portion. Some gathered and worked for it, while others watched, hunted and stole it.  The crows seemed to be the most cunning of the bunch.

In so many ways, I feel most like the tiny nut hatch. He stores as best he can, but he was only able to hide and keep a small percentage.  The rest was stolen by cunning foes when its guard was down.

When enduring times of trouble, and using my daughter’s term, ‘the struggle is real’! I then tend to reflect on where I am, where I once was and where I would like to be.  I then watch and wonder, ‘When, Lord?’  I especially do this when I see others that I had once known have thriving ministries.  I then ask, ‘But what of these dreams, Lord?’

I have been down this road of agony before as I look back at my lost years and my long struggles. When I do this, it becomes easy to feel imprisoned ‘in the pain’.  The very definition of disabled is ‘a person having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses or activities.’

To summarize, I believe this means ‘out of action’. This is such a sad state to be in.  Each day is like the last and some days are even worse than others.  It is a slow drain, not only to my physical health, but also to my spiritual joy.  It also affects those around me even though I try my hardest to mask the pain I am in.

We have taken the last couple of weeks to try to come up with a plan for our future as best we can. We felt this was necessary as I am sure that my disability will stop again for the next several months within the next couple of weeks.  L&I’s pattern has been to cut me off just before Christmas and they have done this every year so far.

There will be difficult days ahead for us. However, I know that the Lord has a plan.  Over the years, I have learned that there are several ways to approach God.  Each circumstance is different and I have used each of the following at various times in my life depending on the particular circumstance…

  • Option 1 – God does everything: Put full faith in God that He will do everything. You do nothing and remain waiting even when you know that God has called you to examine various options to bring before Him. When nothing then happens, you blame God and lament that ‘God is the Punisher’. Obviously, this method is not recommended.
  • Option 2 – You do everything: Do absolutely everything on your own and then only come to God after you have messed everything up. In this, our actions are void of God. When things go wrong, you then blame God as not being ‘our rescuer’. Obviously, this method is also not recommended.
  • Option 3 – Work as a team with God: I have found that this last one is the best and the only one I recommend. This treats God as ‘our deliverer’. We do all that we can to prepare for various scenarios knowing full well that God’s Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. This takes patience as we present various scenarios before God after doing our part. When I have followed this option and have then waited on His perfect timing, He has never disappointed me…well, as long as His ‘yes’ meant ‘yes’ and His ‘no’ meant ‘no. When His answer is ‘no answer’, this means ‘no’ or ‘not yet’ and can often lead to frustration and, yes, disappointment.

For a few years now, but especially since coming to the ‘land of the trees’ to be with my husband, we have paused prior to proceeding to see what God would have us do. We have asked God for direction and He has given us just that.  While sometimes His direction is hard to take, we know that He is always right and always perfect.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have work to do. Far from it!  We still have plenty of work to do.  We then have to continue on with ‘The Race’.  We try our best to save some money for emergencies, but emergencies are hard to know for timing or magnitude.  Often, we are completely left at God’s mercy and depend on Him for deliverance.

Received on Sunday, November 19, 2017

Little would I know that, when I finished the above, our water pump would stop working just a few days later! This is no small deal as our water pump controls our heat, our sewer and our water.  It is very hard to function without this (obviously), so this is REALLY scary.  Keep this in mind as this serves as the backdrop for the below visit…

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for another day! Thank You for my husband and our children.  Please forgive me as I am worrying…again…as we have no water or heat and the cold air of winter has now arrived.

With the upcoming holiday, there is no guarantee that we will have service restored anytime soon. However, there is something worse.  This type of problem can be expensive to fix and we no longer have the means to pay for this.  Given all that this pump controls, this is something that we cannot simply put off or ignore until later.

Father, You have given me several warnings of witchcraft coming against us. In my dreams, we have overcome all of these attempts to destroy us.  It matters not if You commanded our trouble or allowed it as, either way, it has come.  I am not sure how we are to overcome this latest attempt, but I pray that You will somehow give us a way.

My blood pressure has already been unusually high so I also pray that this doesn’t make it even worse. This is the type of trouble that I can physically feel as the house cannot function without this pump.  Please help us soon!  I am knocking on Your door and asking You for help.

You recently helped us get out of trouble with one of the institutions we were dealing with, and in a miraculous way, so I am asking for a ‘repeat’ with this trouble. I feel ashamed, Father, as I fear we have not been able to save enough after dealing with some of our recent troubles.  Depending on the issue, this could be very expensive.

Are You upset with my recent discouragement and resulting lack of faith caused by my pain? While I am trying my best to be positive and to ‘rejoice’, my emotions are still ‘all over the place’ and have been for quite some time.

My ministry has still not grown as You have promised that it someday would. Even though it has been caused, in part at least, by my pain, even the dreams have slowed to a trickle, just like our faucets did last night and continue to do today.

While we no longer have any water at our house, I also now feel as if my vessel, my body, is emptying out from the discouragement resulting from all of this. It just feels like ‘too much’ for me to handle, even though I know You will make sure it never truly is.

When things like this are allowed to happen to us, I then even wonder if I am helping the enemy lead Your sheep to the slaughter. You call me ‘friend’, yet trouble still comes to us.  However, this is more than usual and I am worried.  Why?  Why, Lord?

There are still no publishers ‘knocking at our door’, even though I know these dreams would do so much and are needed by so many. Each one of my children are also dealing with things that I really want to help them with, but simply cannot in our current state without Your divine assistance.

Then there is me. My heart is grieving over all of this.  Surely, Lord, You are really there and not just in my imagination that interacts with You daily.  Even if this really is ‘just in my imagination’, then even my delusions love You with all of their heart.

All of this makes me feel that perhaps I really am delusional. I question if there can even be any other explanation.  Will I wither away here, leaving no real footprint?  All of this makes me feel like I am in last place in a great race and that I am no one to You.

I cry out to You, Father. If I am delusional, can You please at least have mercy on me as a delusional person?  I remain ‘crazily’ in love with You and this only continues to grow with each passing day, but I am struggling.  I just do not truly know anymore as my pain feeds my doubts and increases my discouragement at every turn.

My whole house truly believes that You are God over all, yet I now find myself questioning whether You will truly be here for us. Father, I am so sorry that I doubt, but I feel so unsure right now.  I am in crisis right now and need You more than ever.

Our pump is still not working. It refused to turn on again this morning.  Since our home is a type of vessel, our water pump is a type of ‘heart’.  It moves water throughout our house.  The water resides in a well, but the pump is required to bring the water to our vessel.  The pump is required to keep all of our systems flowing and it is dead right now.

Father, You are the ‘Well Spring’ of all our lives. You created Jesus, our Pump Who brings the ‘Living Water’ to our empty vessels.  This is the water that brings us life, the comforting Words of Your love.

It is only then that we can truly live. We can then have refreshing water, like a spring fed river, moving through our bodies…and our homes.  Please forgive us for not always remembering this and being grateful for all that You do for us.

Please forgive my inabilities to always be thankful for Your grace, love and generosity. Perhaps my last dream about the dying dove was actually about my joy being devoured.   Whether it was or not, I am sorry.  Oh Father, I am so sorry.

If I really am a delusional woman, I am still thankful to You. You have continuously treated me like a Your prize and not like a ‘widow forgotten’.  While it has been around 5 years and 50 days now since the beginning of this ministry, I feel like I have only been able to touch but a smattering of people with these dreams.

While this ‘smattering of people’ may be just a few, they have been such a gift from You. Without these ‘few’, I would surely have given up a long time ago.  However, I am hurting right now.  So many here on this Nest are hurting right now.  Father, we are looking for a miracle from You.  So many of us now need this and ‘really, really soon’!

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

I found myself on ‘the ladder’ to the portal to Heaven. When I looked down, all I could see was a very dark landscape.  I became scared when I then noticed that my hands were once again small like a little child’s hands.  While I could see the light of the portal above me, there was only darkness below me.

I suddenly froze and could neither go up or down the ladder. While this only lasted for but a moment, I thankfully soon heard a whistle from above.  When I looked up, I saw ‘Breakthrough’, an angel that I had spent so much time with in the past.

As I looked up into his eyes, he reached his hand down in order to help me up. At first I was afraid to let go of the ladder, but I soon ‘went for it’ and reached up so that he could pull me up to safety.  Once safely through the portal, I was able to look down at myself more carefully.

I was wearing a small tunic, almost like a dress, made all of white. My feet were bare and I felt wobbly as I stood there.  Breakthrough pointed down the path and I saw Jesus sitting on a rock waiting for me with a smile on His face.

He waved for me to come to Him. As I was still a toddler, I had trouble walking towards Him with any speed.  I then somehow ‘found my feet’ and was then able to run straight to Him.  When I came close, He stood up and lifted me up onto His lap.

He cradled me as I hugged Him tightly around His neck. I was crying and heard myself sobbing out, ‘Hayah!  Hayah!  Hayah!’  No other words seemed to be able to escape as I hugged Him even tighter.

Jesus: “I am glad that you came to Me, Erin.  I missed you.  Come and walk with Me.”

He reached for my hand and we started to walk together down a beautiful path. The path was a bit uneven at first and I struggled, but it soon turned soft under my feet.  With each step, I noticed that I started to grow slightly older.  Tears were streaming down my cheeks.  As we walked together, I started to ‘mature’ with every step.

When I had ‘matured’ to about thirteen years old, I turned to Him and spoke. I was surprised to hear myself say something so very similar to what a typical teenager would say.  I had forgotten what it was like to be a teenager.

Me: Impatiently.  “Lord, when will we get to where You are taking me?”

Jesus: Smiling and laughing.  “In just a little while, Erin.  For now, just enjoy the walk.”

We continued on, but the path soon started to go uphill. We were now on a very steep and rocky road.  Each switchback was another year that came and went.  The path was becoming even trickier, if not ‘dicey’.  I was now around thirty years old.

Me: “Lord, I really do not like this path that we are on right now.  I love You, Lord.  I want so much to know You, but I do not understand all of this.”

Jesus: Laughing.  “Oh Erin, keep going with Me.  I am here.  We are walking and climbing together.  While you don’t know Me yet as much as you soon will, I already know you.  Erin, you can do this.”

To my surprise, the climb then became even more treacherous. I noticed a baby hiding behind a rocky crevice. When I saw that it was my oldest son as a baby, I instinctively picked him up.  I then started to worry as the winds had picked up and it was now raining.  I panicked until I saw that Jesus was still right there beside me.

While I was now having a lot of trouble climbing as I was holding my son now, I knew that going back down would even be more difficult, if not impossible. I was also now limping as I had somehow hurt myself along the way as we were walking.

As the storm picked up, I could hear another baby crying out in the distance. As my oldest son was now a toddler, I knew that I would have trouble carrying both him and another baby.  When I found this baby, I only then saw that he was my youngest son.

He was extremely small and exposed and I quickly took him into my arms. As I was already having trouble carrying my other son, I knew two would be impossible for me to carry.  I froze in my tracks and started trying to figure out all of this on my own.  Thankfully, I felt my hand being gently squeezed by Jesus and turned to Him.

Jesus: “Erin, I will carry them.  They are mine.  I am here.  Do not forget!”

I looked up at the dark sky and, just then, the sun broke through. While it felt as if I had only rested there with Jesus next to me for just a few short minutes, I was now 37 years old.  My oldest son was now three and my youngest son was now one.

We then had some time to laugh together. We were joyful and had such promise.  As we sat there with Jesus, everything now seemed so ‘clear’.  However, the winds suddenly picked up and I became worried again.

Jesus: “Come on, Erin, we must keep going.”

I then saw a tiny bundle straight ahead of me. It was yet another baby!  When I came closer, I recognized her as my daughter.  She had a beautiful smile on her face and was bundled ‘in light’.  I picked her up.  I was so happy to have her, along with my sons.

Jesus: “I have given you these lives ‘for a while’.  These are your gifts to care for.  I will help you.  I am here with you.  However, things will now become even more difficult from here.  Are you ready?”

Me: “Yes, Lord, but it has already been so difficult.  However, since You are here with us, I know that it will be okay.”

I looked down and noticed that I was now about forty years old. Jesus reached for my daughter and was now effortlessly carrying all three of ‘my’ children.  I am not sure how He was able to do this, but He did.

As we continued to walk, the path now began to twist and turn and the terrain was increasingly difficult to navigate. I became concerned as Jesus had put ‘my’ children down and was now letting them walk on their own.  I was relieved when I saw that each of them was continuing to hold onto the hem of His garment as they walked.

I then saw my children walking and climbing this difficult road along with me. I would then double check to make sure that each of them continued to hold onto Jesus’ hem.  I panicked a few times when I could not see Him in the storms.  However, when the storms temporarily broke, I then saw that my children were still holding onto Him.

At times, I would then lose sight of one or more of my children. However, they would soon reappear.  I would then panic again as I could barely see Jesus, but then I would once again realize that He was still there.  Well, really, He had never left.

At one point, I could no longer see my children, but could only hear them. Since I could still hear them, I knew that they were still there even as the storms raged.  I suddenly became faint and fell down on the path.  I was gone.  When I woke up, Jesus was there in front of me with all of my children.

Jesus: Smiling.  “Erin, we are still here.  Get up.  Get up and join us.”

While I had been hurt from my fall, I suddenly and unexpectedly then grew stronger when I saw that my children were still there with Jesus. Even though both of my sons now looked as if they had now been ‘wounded’ as well, they also continued to walk.

As we walked, I could now see three separate and distinct landscapes in the distance. The first landscape was a desert.  The second landscape was covered in trees.  The third landscape was a combination of the other two landscapes.

Jesus: “Do you see where we are?”

I must have looked too confused to answer Him as each of my children then chimed in and answered His question for me.

My oldest son: “The first landscape is a desert.”

My youngest son: “The second landscape is a land made of trees.”

My daughter: “The third landscape is a place our hearts will never forget.”

Me: “Oh Lord, while I am really not sure about these three landscapes, I am especially not sure about the first landscape.”

Jesus: Looking at ‘my’ children:  “Well, are you up for the adventure?  Children?”

My oldest son: Smiling.  “I say ‘yes’!”

My youngest son: Also smiling.  “I say ‘yes, please’!”

My daughter: Laughing, but all three now were.  “Oh mom, this will be a great adventure!”

Jesus addressed each of us at different times when He then spoke…

  • To all of us: “This will be very difficult!”
  • To my two sons: “In the first landscape, the two of you will be apart for a time, time and times.”
  • To my daughter: “However, you will mostly live with your mother at all times.”
  • To all three children: “Do not worry as all of you will be with your mother for the second landscape. I will even send someone in to help all of you.”
  • To all of us: “So…are you ready?”

I was still really not that excited about any of this, especially the first landscape, so I said ‘yes’ with reluctance even as my children readily agreed. However, I soon decided that I would indeed go along, even though I was still reluctant.

I held Jesus’ hand and the children held onto His garment as we continued to walk along the path. We soon came to a deep and wide river.  It was raging wildly and completely blocked our path.  It was insurmountable and I immediately knew that we would not be able to cross this river on our own.

Jesus: “I will take your oldest son across first.”

He took my oldest son and effortlessly started to cross the river. When I could no longer see them, I started to cry out with fear.  All three of us then started to cry out together.

My oldest son must have heard us crying as I then heard him crying back to us. Though it was hard to hear him cry, I somehow found this to be quite a relief as at least I knew that he was still being carried through the river by the Lord.

Jesus: Calling back to us.  “Do not worry, Erin, as I have him.”

I then saw Jesus on the other side of the river. He was still carrying my son.  I then saw Him put him down in a beautiful sitting area.  I then somehow knew that He had then instructed him not to worry and that He would soon be back with the rest of us.

Before I knew it, He was back on this side of the river with the three of us. My youngest son had now started to cry again as he was now missing his older brother.

Jesus: “Do not worry.  I will take you to your brother now.”

Jesus scooped him up into His mighty arms and started crossing the raging river again. My son looked back at me, smiled and waved, but soon disappeared.  We once again saw that He had made it safely across to my other son.

My daughter and I were soon crying at the bank of the river. We were missing both of them.  It seemed to be taking ‘forever’ for Jesus to come back to get us.

While waiting for His return, my heart broke. There were many rocks hurled at us while we were waiting there.  At times, we were in darkness and had very little food.  I was afraid that my daughter would be hurt if it were to be determined that something was ‘overly wrong’ with my health.

The river then calmed down. We stopped crying as soon as we saw that Jesus was now coming back for us.  We decided to ‘let go’ of our baggage in order to lighten our load before He arrived.  By the time that we had sold off almost all of our more valuable items, I had somehow forgotten that Jesus was on the way back to get us.

When Jesus finally came for us, I could barely recognize Him anymore as my eyesight had grown dim from all of my tears. While we were still holding onto Jesus, we had almost lost all hope and had even started to wonder if He had forgotten about us altogether.  We were instantly revived when the Voice of Jesus once again called to us.

Jesus: “Come on!  It is time to get up!”

While I still could not see clearly, I somehow knew that there was now a bridge across the river to the desert. We crossed over and then spent two years before Jesus returned my youngest son to me.

I also desperately wanted my oldest son to be returned to me, but this no longer even seemed possible to me. I was slowly giving up all hope of this ever happening.

After two years of my youngest son being returned to me, I had now given up on my oldest son even being returned. I was now in despair.  In this despair, I finally released my life fully to Him and for His purposes completely.

After I had finally done this, the Heavens suddenly opened up all around me. He then gave me these dreams, which was then followed by a renewed hope.  However, I was still anxiously waiting for the miracle of the return of my oldest son.  It was finally time.

Jesus: “Erin, it is time.  Are you ready to be taken away for a little longer?”

Me: “Yes, Lord.  Please get us out of this desert and into a safe place.”

Soon after, we were moved to the ‘land of the trees’. This happened in August 2014.  As promised, the Lord had sent us help.  My soon-to-be husband had been sent to help us in our escape.  After the Lord helped him rescue us, all of my children came home.  They have been with me ever since.

The winding roads then continued at our new home. While we have had difficulties, we have also found peace, joy, laughter and healing.  We are healing.  While we have not been healed physically, the break from our enemies has been ‘mentally’ healing for all of us.

Jesus: “I am soon to strengthen you, Erin, as the next part of your journey does not come with a ‘guidebook’.  Do not worry though as I will be in you.  I will be your ‘user guide’, so do not worry.  Oh yes…I will also be your instructor.”

Received on Monday, November 20, 2017

We received the news this morning that the repair of our water system will cost several thousands of dollars. This news was very unsettling and I could not help but be worried… yet again.  I went to Him with even more urgency than normal…if this is even possible…

Communion

Dear Father,

Thank You for another day! Please help us.  We are without heat, water and sewer and there is no end in sight.  As You know, Lord, we have five children here and the weather is now getting colder.  Our house no longer has any heat.  We need You, Father!

Jesus: “Erin, come up.”

Me: Crying.  “Father, You know all that has happened to us in the last few days.  Will You not help us?”

Jesus: “Erin, why are you worried about heat or water?  Have I not always provided for you, even in your darkest days?  Did I send you to the grave?  Did I take away your ability to function?  No, I did not.  Please come to Me when you are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.

“I am with you and your children. I am with your ‘husband-warrior’ and he is My friend.  Just relax.  Breathe.  Be thankful.  I will do all that I have promised.  You will not be harmed.  I love you.  Now, Erin, remember to ‘live’.  Get up, live and breathe.

“Do not worry, Erin, as I will send help to you. I am here with you.  I have not forgotten you.  I will call out to those who look to Me through My work in you.  All is about to change!”

Dream over…

 

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