Dream 331 – Jesus and a Splash in the River

Received on Saturday, April 27, 2019

Communion

Dear Father,

It is just after 6pm Saturday evening here and my heart is breaking!  Something in me is restless and unsettled.  Time keeps going, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, week after week and month after month.  The state of the world is changing rapidly even as we are staying still.  As one of our children said, ‘things are changing, but we seem to be standing still’.

Personally, I have never seen so many closed doors happen for so many before.  We normally succeed in all we do, smiles, but, this time, no major shift nor open door is being presented.  I see divine delays concerning my medical treatment.  Lost files and records, not by my hands, have caused a two-month delay.  Then there is a delay with another specialist for similar reasons.  I am yet again on a long waiting list.

My pacemaker unit needs to be changed and upgraded, but I am not yet at a critical level.  I still have a couple of months before there is any urgency.  Meanwhile, another hernia has appeared, now on the front of my torso.  Sigh…then I was on another list for my brain tumor.  This too, for some reason, I have been removed from.  None of this is my fault, yet we now need to resubmit a new referral.

It is so obvious that this is God delaying it because I could see one being delayed, but all of them?  Seriously?  God just keeps us hanging in there as, by now, we really should have no means left.  We come to the end of our resources in June, barring the unexpected, and after this, we will have very little.

This is on top of the worry I have that I have let people down.  What if I’ve heard wrong, Father?  Did I write everything as You have instructed?  Was all of this for a different year?  While it does not seem like it, only You know.  Father, only You know!  I have been watching for several personal signs from You and all have been fulfilled except for one.  However, this one is close to being fulfilled and can happen really quickly.  I would share what this is, but I have been told not to (so I won’t).

Everyday, we check and watch.  My husband is quite a date keeper and investigates Your Word, Your traditions and history concerning patterns and possible outcomes.  With me, I am all about the signs, wonders, dreams and miracles.  With every sign You send, I say, “Surely we are close!  Surely God is great!”  Father, we have placed all that we have before You.

We are not lovers of ourselves here, even with teenagers.  We have worked on removing our sense of self and selfishness.  We have been extremely humbled as a household, collectively.  With our family, we share responsibilities and all of us help, but I find myself burning out.  I am growing tired.  Soon, all these children will be gone and starting lives of their own.

With my sons, the long-term difficulties will be such that, without complete healing, they will always live with us.  I pray for their sakes as I want so much for each of them to live full, enriching lives.  Here, there are few resources for them.  So, Lord, if the plan is to live here ‘as is’, please make a way for them.

I look around and there is so much that I have been educated for.  There are so many ways I could make a living, but, instead, I am getting sicker by the day.  Father, on my life’s path, did I miss a sign or a turnoff somewhere?  I feel as if I have.  Don’t get me wrong, Father, I am grateful for my life with You.  However, are You not yet tired of hearing my sorrows, my complaining, my petitions and my reflections?

If You are, please forgive me and perhaps just heal me since I know You can so easily if it was in Your timing.  This is even more saddening for me as spring has been very late here.  We had snow flurries just a couple of days ago, even though it then quickly melted.  Well, at least the trees are finally starting to bud.  My little Chip (the chipmunk) is back as well, awakened from his sleep.

Last night, I was in a deep sleep with an epic dream when the phone range with a scam phone call.  It was at 8:00am.  I thought for certain that I would fall asleep again, but tensing muscles and an approaching weather system had other plans for me.  Sigh…up for another day.  It is hard sometimes as I now see our children beginning to worry.  I see real worry in their eyes as we all know that we need something to happen at summer time.

It has been five years since my accident on May 8th, 2014 and still no treatment.  Lord, I know that this is because of You, but it is still difficult to comprehend.  It is really unfair.  Father, this is really unfair.  I have been robbed of time with my kids.  Please have mercy on me!  Please have mercy on all of us…and soon!

I am coming once again in truth.  I do not want to minimize all that You have done for us.  I do not want You to be angry with me singing the same song of sorrows.  Adding to this mood is that there is torrential rain falling outside and our little stream is now not so little and raging so loudly.

Your love never fails and You love us in all things and during every storm.  There was a thunderstorm earlier and I was thankful for being safe inside.  My Father loves us!  He takes care of us.  He knows our anxious thoughts and He never fails to show His enduring love.  Thank You, Father!  We love You so much and with all of our hearts!

Jesus:  “Erin, come up.”

I was sitting on the bank of the River of Life.  I then watched as, right there in front of me, Jesus took a vessel and filled it with Living Water.  He was joyful and not at all consumed with any worry whatsoever.  I could tell by His confidence that He has a plan in place and that I was just an observer.  I sat quietly as I watched Him continue to fill these vessels with the angels.

Jesus:  “Erin, you are quiet today.”  He smiled at me and continued to work.

Me:  “Yes, Lord.  I am not enjoying myself right now.  I am not good company.”

Jesus:  “Well, if you are capable of giving yourself this evaluation of your current state, then chances are good that you are the kind of company that I enjoy being with.”

Me:  Smiling as I shook my head.  “Lord, how could You possibly find me good company right now?  Honestly, I cannot even stand being around myself these days.  I am miserable and have so many worries now.”

He reached down and splashed me with some of the water from the River of Life.  I laughed as I just love His playful side.  Without thinking, I scooped up some water and was about to splash Him.  Thankfully, I stopped myself in time as it did not seem right to splash the Son of God.  He started laughing in a way that brought me great peace.

Jesus:  “Oh Erin, God has created all of this, even this Living Water.  Do you think I can’t take a splash from the one that I love?”

Me:  “Of course, Lord, as You can take anything.  It’s just that I want to honor You, Lord.  Without You, I would be dead a longtime ago.  I would no longer have my children to raise.”  I began to cry and even as I write.  “Who am I to splash the Great I Am?  Certainly not this little sparrow.  Oh Lord, certainly not me!”

Jesus:  Laughing so hard.  “Oh Erin, you are very serious today.  This is a time of great rejoicing.  Come into the River with Me.  Come!”  He took my hand and brought me into the Living Water with Him.  “Now, hold this vessel and I will fill it.  You can help Me with this entire group.”  He pointed behind me and there were hundreds, if not thousands, of vessels waiting there.  “Are you up for the task?  Just know that, if you are…”  He smiled.  “…you might have to endure some splashing by the King!”  He laughed.

Me:  Smiling.  “Oh Lord, You are so very wise.  You knew what I needed before I did.  You lifted my head to keep going.”

Jesus:  “Come on, Erin!”  He motioned for me to take a group of small, beautiful vessels and hand them to Him.  “These won’t fill themselves!  Come, Erin, it’s time!”

I suddenly had energy and a feeling of, well, renewed life.  He brought back my joy and my heart was now glad again.

Me:  “Thank You, Lord!  I love You!”

He smiled at me.  He then held a vase, pointed towards me, placed His hand on His heart and smiled.  He then laughed as He playfully splashed me again.  I felt such love from Him that I could not help but smile and laugh in return.  How could I not?  Truly there is no one like Him!

Dream over…

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