Dream 335 – God and the path is revisited
Received Sunday, June 9, 2019
Communion
Dear Father,
The weather has been incredible! It is beautiful out. Not too hot and not too cool. Thank You! Father, I am overwhelmed at all You have done for me. It has been seven years since I was called by You. I was so very broken, so hopeless and so scared. I had friends, but I was so afraid of oversharing with them. I was afraid because I had an enemy with money that was waiting for a chance to take my children away in court.
I never wanted my friends to compromise truth. I knew that, if I shared, when asked questions like, ‘Does your friend have conversations with Jesus?’, well, they would have to tell the truth. The problem with court is that they don’t allow for ‘buts’. You cannot say, ‘yes, she talks to Jesus, but…’ Objection! Please, just a yes or a no. As a result, I kept this to myself and did not share what was happening with those closest to me.
I look back and You were there with me every step of the way saying, ‘Erin, this is the way…walk in it.’ You became my Best Friend and my greatest Confidant. You knew I was treated unfairly. My main enemy wanted one thing of me…to not have to pay a penny in child support. His desire was to have custody of the children to accomplish this and he hoped it would happen via my death, but not until after I was shamed.
He did not really want the kids. He just wanted the appearance of being a good father to his family and friends. He did not want the mess of that ‘love relationship’ thing that fathers are supposed to want. The hard part for him to get me in court was the fact that I was a good mom, a mom whose only sin to the world was not having that much money. He could not use drug, alcohol or obsessive issues as there were none.
He could not say I was dating as I was not. He even tried using the fact that I was a working parent as a tool, saying that I had no time to be a parent. He tried to use my love of Jesus and my church attendance as a problem, trying to paint me as a religious fanatic. In the end, all of his efforts, of which there were so many, ultimately failed.
Seriously, how does a man with felony abuse charges against his kids have a favored standing in court? How is this man favored over me even though there is documented abuse of me and the kids, including a police record and police evidence? Well, I will tell you why in one word…Money! Our justice system has an uneven balance and scales based on who can pay. Justice is blind, but really means no justice.
Quite simply, anyone in America can file a lawsuit in court against you at any given time. You had better hope that, when they do, you have the money to prove your innocence. If you don’t, you will be out finessed in court and found guilty by some clever attorney caveat or procedural error. This has happened to me. Too many are determined to be ‘guilty’ simply because they had ‘no money’ to defend themselves.
While this doesn’t happen 100% of the time, it seems to happen 80% of the time based on me and my other friends experience with little money in similar situations. In the end, I lost everything in order to keep an attorney to defend my ability to be a mom against my children’s abuser. It is a matter of public record. My enemy was even allowed to later seal the documents and pay to have his record expunged. Thankfully, this only applied for his county of state, not federally or in other states.
Yes, I had a crash course in skewed justice. I felt the aftereffects of the financial losses even after I was proven a fit mother. My enemy had robbed me of seven years in all of these court battles. He robbed me of seven years of not being able to afford activities with my children. There was no normal during this time. There was no athletics for the children. There were no vacations for them with me.
My health then began to fail me as I was now a broke, but also a broken, person. I had lost all I had except for a piece of paper that confirmed I was still a custodial parent of my children. I had to sign away child support as he was clever in hiding his actual income when he knew that he would eventually lose. Because I received nothing in the way of support of any kind from this ‘man’, I was now facing bankruptcy round two.
This happened because I could not afford my now mounting medical bills. There was nothing left at the end of each month. I was not only broken, but the fights had made us broke. The choices I then made were the only choices left. Thanks to ‘Obama No-care’, my $300 a month was essentially thrown out the window as they didn’t cover any of my medical bills. At this point seven years ago, Father, I had become mad at You.
I had not lived a lavish lifestyle. I had not taken elaborate vacations. I had not spent the money on frivolous items. I did not have the kids in private schools or expensive sports. I went through seven years of hell and I felt abandoned. This hell all came to a head and even amplified more when I went to my older son’s eighth grade graduation at St. Joseph’s Catholic School in the late spring / early summer of 2012.
At his graduation, I sat off to the side of the auditorium and was very near to a huge, beautifully carved cross. Since their father had made the school believe I was a nutcase with his continuous lies, there was no reserved spot for me with the other children’s families. I felt shamed and the handout of diplomas seemed painfully slow.
Finally, when my older son came up for his diploma, my name was not even mentioned as his mother. The dozen roses that were handed out to each child’s mother instead were given by my older son to his stepmother. My younger son noticed this and was outraged. He stood up and yelled out, ‘Hey, that’s for our mom! She is over here!’ My enemy looked over at me with a smug smile. His glare was so evil.
I kept my composure and smiled and waved as I did not want to give him any further satisfaction. My older son then came over and gave me a hug and a single rose. Everyone was looking over at me as I blushed a thousand shades of red in embarrassment. Was it not enough for him to try to steal my children? No, it wasn’t. The enemy also wanted me crushed and publicly humiliated.
Father, thanks to You, I would eventually have all of my children together under my care. This was, and continues to be, a miracle. For the most part, the enemy now remains far from them. He has shown his true ‘snake’ scales and motives, so much so that all of the children now see it. We have been careful to not say any negative things at all about our enemy so we could stay clear of all charges of swaying their opinion. However, it soon became obvious to them what he stood for as snakes are snakes.
So, Father, here we are. As a dear member of the Nest pointed out to us, seven years have passed since I began to publicly speak of my time with You on Pentecost Sunday, May 27th, 2012. If we use Pentecost Sundays as our measure, today is therefore my seventh anniversary. I have travelled on such an amazing journey with You. You have taken me through the fires, the storms, the crashing waves and the swarms of locusts.
Even when I was being hunted, really haunted, by jackals, You have taken us from strength to strength. Father, I love You even more than I thought possible. You were my Kinsman Redeemer all along. You took me as Your Bride…
- You have promised to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)
- You have promised to keep us and our children safe in a home near Your Altar (Psalm 84:3)
- You have promised to cover us and shield us (all of Psalm 91 is amazing!)
- You have promised us that You would do something in MY days which we would not believe even if we were told (Habakkuk 1:5 and Acts 13:41)
Father, there is no God like You. No one has heard or perceived by ear. No eye has seen a God besides You, a God Who acts for those who wait for Him, for You, for hope. All our hope is in You (Isaiah 64:4 and 1 Corinthians 2:9). Father, You have set the stage. To borrow a line from Kungfu Panda…
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that is why they call it the present.”
Oh Father, nothing is guaranteed in this life other than Your promises. We have faith in You. You have fulfilled so many of Your promises and will fulfill all of Your promises. Please consider this day to heal and Transform us, Father. The only gift that I have to give You is all that is already Yours…that which beats within me and that which matters most to You…my heart.
Jesus: “Erin, come up.”
I was in a beautiful grove of blossoming trees. This grove was similar to a grove by our home that I was in yesterday taking photos. The branches of the trees were low to the ground. There was no formal path other than the velvet-like grass. It was beautiful out and the sun shined brightly. As I stepped forward, I suddenly realized that I was still in my earthly damaged body. I was disappointed as I felt so frail.
The only thing physically different from Earth was that my sight was completely clear here. It was not fuzzy at all. Since I can still walk in this body, that is what I decided to do. As I walked through the grove, I began to cry. I cried as I had never seen trees so beautiful together in one place. As I looked down the rows, the grove appeared to continue for miles ahead of me.
Me: “Lord, are You here?”
I then heard a wind blowing gently through the trees in the distance. The blossoms were now gently swirling in the air like a light snowfall. It was so incredibly beautiful.
Me: “Lord, is that You?”
I then heard something like an orchestra in the distance. It was soft and beautiful. I picked up my linen dress and began to run towards it as best I could in my earthly shape. I ran one way towards the music, but then it seemed behind me. I turned and ran, but then it seemed beside me. I suddenly realized that the music was all around me. In the midst of this perfect music gently swirling around me, I heard God’s Voice…
God: “Erin, I am here with you. Do not worry or be afraid. I have not forgotten you. I have not left you in sickness. I will do as I have promised.”
I dropped to my knees, bowed down and started to cry. My tears wouldn’t stop. I felt something on my cheeks. I opened my eyes and there were two tiny angels with small vessels collecting my tears. I was quite surprised to see them as it has been such a very long time since I had seen these cute little angels. As I continued to cry, they gathered every drop of my tears.
God: “Erin, I accept your gift. It is finer than a basket of fruit from a good harvest. I too have a gift for you. Rejoice for this is unlike any other. Now rise up!”
I immediately stood to my feet. I looked around and the trees were now scattering so many blossoms that it was like a blizzard, only beautiful and comforting. I could feel the Spirit of God moving through this divine grove of trees. I looked around and was now smiling. I saw a deer, a doe, in the distance.
I somehow could see her clearly even within the ‘blossom blizzard’. How things like this happen here in Heaven is impossible to describe, but so fantastic. I felt that she wanted me to follow her, so I did. We soon came up to the base of the mountain where the dirt path and forestry board were. I instantly became alarmed…
Me: Crying. “Oh no, Father, it has been 14½ years since I was first here. I was hoping for Transformation, not a repeat of this path and…”
I saw the deer on the dirt path ahead of me go through the gate. She looked back and somehow told me to do the same with her kind eyes. While I was about to step through the gate of this familiar place, I had something to say to God first.
Me: “Father, as I am now, I will be unable to make it another seven years. Please, Father, I need Your divine help.”
I felt Him say He would do this in my Spirit without actually hearing a thing. Again, hard to describe. I took a deep breath and stepped through the gate. The deer stood there and watched me as I did this. I was again at the base of God’s Mountain. I took another deep breath and exhaled.
On faith, I stepped forward on this intricately geometric stamped path of sand. I did this even though I knew my footsteps would ruin the perfect patterns. I did this because I knew that God wanted me to. I placed my foot down onto the path. The sand on the path instantly started to blow away. It was not long and the sand had now completely disappeared.
My body had been instantly Transformed at the very same time that the wind had kicked up. I was now changed and completely healed! My breathing felt effortless and my body strong. While the path was still there, there was no longer any sand. It was even more beautiful though. I looked over at the deer and I somehow knew she wanted me to race her. I ran as fast as I could. I laughed with glee as we raced down the path together. I felt so wonderful.
Dream over…
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